Alright you pervs. That's not what I meant. Unless you're married to an author who wears stockings ... and has a high sex drive ... and likes it when you ... well, never mind. Let's just get to the point, shall we?
10 Best Ways To Stuff An Author's Stocking.
Because authors love their stockings stuffed. At least, romance authors do. Well, this one does. Now and then. Anyways ...
01.) Scented Candles. I don't know about other authors, but this author loves scented candles. I almost always have one burning while I'm writing, and I even recycle the jars. The little bitty tiny ones? So cute! Right now I'm burning a Better Homes jar candle from Walmart, and it's the Cranberry Apple Martini scent; it's one of the few I've gotten recently that had a smell strong enough for me to pick up on the entire time it's burning. I love it. And oh my gosh, those ones with the wood wicks? Did you know that when you stop typing to think of where the story is going next, you can hear them burning? You can. It's like a little miniature fireplace, just happily crackling away. I love them!
02.) Coffee. Most authors I know have some sort of addiction to caffeine, whether it's coffee, tea, or soda. Many of us have a hard preference, that one go-to drink that we love above all others; I wish I could say that I did, but I don't really. When I'm drinking soda, I like a Mountain Dew, but I like tea too. When I'm drinking tea, I'll drink green tea with honey and lemon, or black tea if it's the right amount of sweet-but-not-syrup. I like McDonald's tea, and I always ask for half-sweet-half-unsweet. But I like coffee too. Sometimes I'll make it at home with a little International Delight thrown in (to make it delightful ... ba-dum-shh.), but my favorite is the Starbuck's Mocha Frappuccino with two pumps of hazelnut. It's like a slightly toned-down version of Nutella. Yummy. I've also gotten a Caramel Frappuccino with two pumps of butterscotch. It's like I imagine Harry Potter's butterbeer to be. And it's yum. When they figure out a super thick, really creamy, lots of spices eggnog coffee frappuccino? You guys, I'm all over that.
03.) Booze. Usually wine, sometimes various liquors. After a long day of caffeinating ourselves half to death so that we can make up (and live in) the various worlds that we create for your amusement, we authors usually need to tone down a little and get back into the swing of the real world. Or maybe we're just closet alcoholics as a society, I'm not sure. But if you look at our instagrams, you'll see that when we aren't talking about writing or coffee, we're often talking about booze.
04.) Papermate Inkjoy Pens. I know authors who hardly ever write by hand, but I also know authors who write almost exclusively by hand. And I know from personal experience that the Papermate Injoys? They are so smooth and so comfy. I love them. Love love love them. I love them so much that I've left all my other favorite pens rotting in the bottom of my purse in favor of the Inkjoy that's pinned to the little pen sleeve thingy on my planner (which I also love). Which is part of why Dana is always telling me that my purse is a suitcase. If only she knew how many pens were in there.
05.) Sticky Notes. Authors love sticky notes. Heart shapes, circles, squares, lined, graphed, plain, you name it, we'll find a way to love it. We can stick them to the table, the wall, the computer screen. Our writing journals. Steering wheels. If I had a waterproof pen, I'd be looking for waterproof sticky notes to keep in the shower so I could stop using eyeliner on the shower wall when a good idea hits me mid-shampoo. Yeah, we love sticky notes.
06.) Index Cards. Because sometimes you don't want your notes to be sticky. Or because you're trying to make a character catalog. Or sort out scene ideas. Or plot snippets, or dialogue chunks.
07.) Books. Authors write books. Which means that in general, we love books. We get all passionate about them, and we fangirl (or fanboy) over our favorites because for us, the authors are the real stars of the world. Sadly, we often love books so much that there is no possible way we can afford all the books we want (unless we're J.K. Rowling, but usually we're not), so you could almost never go wrong with giving the author in your life a book that they can read when they aren't writing.
08.) Literary Tee Shirts. Chances are, the author you're shopping for has a favorite book (or book series). And chances are, that author's favorite book has some sort of quote or significant bit that stands out to your author for some reason. If not, go with whichever one you think your author might like best, whether it's a litograph version, or one with a more obvious meaning.
09.) Warmth. Authors have jobs that require a lot of sitting (unless someone gives them a standing desk), and because we spend so much time being still, we often crave warmth. So if you really want to show some love to an author you care for, give them warmth. You can do it like this, or like this, or even with these. Either way, your author will love it.
10.) If all else fails, stuff those stockings with gift cards for any of the above listed items. And if you can't decide which item to go with ... go with Amazon. Your author can use that giftcard to get anything there. Unless you wanted the giftcard to be used to feed your author something other than coffee and booze. Then you should get it from a restaurant. Bonus? Your author will finally have a good reason to put some pants on and leave the house.
But if you really want to be the coolest damned stocking stuffer your author has ever known? Give them this William Shakespeare action figure.