Saturday, April 8, 2017

Saturday Song: Sit Still, Look Pretty

You guys know how much I love music, how much it impacts me. If you've been around here for long, you know the song that I think of as my personal anthem, how I chose it, and how that song impacted my life. You know the song that speaks so much into the heart of what motherhood means to me.

Some of you know that I have a specific song for every person, moment, mood, and feeling that means anything to me - whether it be good or bad.

So it's only natural (in my world, in my circumstances) that this song would hit me hard with the impact of its meaning, right from the first lines.


For the woman who has been plus-sized since puberty, for the girl who grew up listening to whispered debates about how she would look in a bikini or whether she would ever be able to "lose the weight," the idea of a Barbie world is very much a real concept. The Barbie world is where the pretty people live, the girls with the long legs, the girls with round hips and slender waists, the girls with big breasts and deep cleavage. The girls who aren't short. The girls with a thigh gap. The girls with skinny upper arms. The girls who care enough to perfect the eyeliner wing, who actually want to glue eyelashes onto their faces every morning.

I'm never gonna be one of those girls. And that's okay.


It's strange for me sometimes, to be a romance author, to be a lover of love, of sweetness, of weddings and love songs, an empath who gets butterflies over the right poem or character - or person. Why? Because I want that for myself - SOMEDAY. But not today. Today I'm still damaged. I'm still injured. I'm still fragile.


I'm still putting back together what was broken by the harsh, smothering grip of ... what I've been through - and the shame of never being enough. I'm still learning to realize what was because of me, and what was ... not. And part of that means loving my own company again, without being told what my company is lacking. It means trusting my own judgement again, loving what I love without feeling ashamed, and leaving the rest without feeling wrong. It means seeing - and meeting - my own needs again, looking after myself and my girls, without being resented for having needs in the first place. It means taking charge of my own emotional health and issues, without taking the blame for someone else's.


It means putting my armor on and standing up to fight for myself and what I'm worth. It means knowing what I want, the kind of treatment I deserve as a woman, as a human, as a child of God. And it means NEVER again accepting less than what I deserve.


There's something in the beat of this song that gets me moving, that gets my blood pumping and my energy flowing. It lets me release the anger and the resentment, it lets me turn inward even as the bitterness washes off and away. And it's that freedom, the accepting of what is and the determination to repair the breaks in my spirit, that make me HBIC. Head bitch in charge.


If you've ever needed to be reminded that life is about so much more than the "pretty" ... If you've ever needed someone to tell you that you don't have to conform ... If you've ever needed a safe place to be yourself and there was no safe place to be found ... If you ever gave in, stifled, starving, suffocated, smothered ... shattered ...

Let me remind you. Let me tell you. Let this be your place. Remove the bondage, and the baggage, and the brokenness. Because:

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHUT UP. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GRATEFULLY ACCEPT SOMETHING THAT IS NOTHING NEAR WHAT YOU DESERVE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CONFORM TO THE BARBIE WORLD.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIT STILL. AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK PRETTY, EITHER.

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40 comments:

  1. I love the message of this song, too! I never accept less than I deserve and no one should.

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    1. It's taken me a while to really internalize that - but I'm learning.

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  2. This song has really meaningful lyrics. Society seems to have created this perfect image of how a person should look and we forget that it's okay to look different.

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    1. I agree. That has been one of my major goals as a mother of girls - to teach my daughters that the way they look is already exactly right, and that even while it can be fun to play with fashion, makeup, jewelry, etc, none of those things can give or take away the inherent value of who you are.

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  3. I love this! I don't think I've ever heard the song before, so I'll have to look it up. I like the lyrics.

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    1. Definitely look it up. It's got a catchy beat too!

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  4. This is one of my favorite songs! My daughter knows all of the words! Such a powerful girl anthem!

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  5. honestly it is the very frist time I hear or readi thid song but it is beautiful! I´ll look for it

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    1. I definitely recommend it. It's such a great song for empowering women and reminding us that we are worth so much more than what we sometimes settle for.

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  6. I love that song too! I have never been one to just want to sit still and look pretty. I like to do things, learn, and make my presence known, especially in the male dominated field I work in.

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    1. That's how I am too - but I've spent a good many years being told how wrong that was, how inconvenient, how obnoxious, how brash and abrasive. It's only in recent years that I've been able to shrug that off and really become a version of me that I'm proud of.

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  7. Brought back memories with Barbie World. I would never be that woman either.

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    1. Haha, Barbie World, right? I loved that song for the longest time - until I really caught on to what it was saying.

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  8. There are so beautiful lines in this song. I am glad to see a song like this is out there. Lets all be ourselves, we are all beautiful.

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  9. One my favorite songs! It gets played entirely too much here but I just love it. Yes, I don't want to sit still and just look pretty. Im aware Im never gonna be 'that' girl but Im going to learn to love the skin Im in.

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    1. No, there's no "too much" ... what is this "too much" you speak of? Seriously, I play that song on repeat, lol!

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  10. Hell no you don't. Barbie is the standard of beauty and value is not in having or not having a man in your life.

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    1. Yeah, I'm not trying to live up to her anymore. So can keep her pretty townhouse AND her pretty man. If it takes looking like that and being totally fake, I'll pass.

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  11. I have never heard this song. I really like the message to love ourselves no matter the size.

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  12. You definitely need to be able to let go of the baggage and the bondage and realize that you are worth far more than what has happened in the past. The God of the Universe sent his Son to come and die for you. He loved you so much that he would have done it just for you. So you are valued and loved and do not need to feel like you deserve or should accept less.

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  13. This line broke me 'I'm still putting together what was broken- the shame of never being enough' because I know how that feels. I was always teased for my body size but this was because I was smaller than average, the name calling was horrible. Even boyfriends would be the same. You have been through so much but I am glad that you find resonance in this song because your right we don't need to be 'barbies'. I grew up wishing that I was blonde, blue eyed and curvier and for what reason? Its all a matter of media propaganda but thankfully there seems to be a little more versatility in the role models we put forward for our children x

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    1. I agree, and as I'm raising my daughters, I'm so thankful that I can point out beautiful, strong women who DON'T conform to the beauty standard. It means so much to me to be able to show them that beauty isn't hidden in what you look like - it's in who you are.

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  14. I really like this song. I think we all fall back on music to comfort us and to give us inspiration.

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    1. I know I definitely do. Music is life for me - it has taken me through so much in my life, and has always given me strength and comfort.

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  15. honestly ive never heard ntn about these songs before :/ im jamaican we listen dancehall and reggae lol

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    1. There's something to be said for that style too - I love the way it instantly gets your body and your blood moving!

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  16. I'm not quite sure if I'm familiar with this song but I love the message behind it. It's awesome when you find a song that empowers you and makes you feel confident.

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    1. Yeah, those are my favorite ones. I keep a playlist of music like this, and sometimes that playlist is the one major thing that gets me through the day.

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  17. This is such a beautiful song. There are plenty of songs that I've loved in my life because I can relate to them. There will always be one song that would make me feel great whenever I listened to it, depending on what I'm going through in life.

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    1. Me too - it's so amazing that music can be so powerful!

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  18. I have never heard this song before. However, the lyrics are beautiful :)

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    1. I definitely recommend looking it up and giving it a listen. It's really a great song for empowerment and self-encouragement.

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  19. I was never overweight growing up but being short and having my parents think a short haircut was needed for me I so understand self esteem problems. Although I've always been a tomboy I never wanted to be thought of as a boy and several times I would be out with my family and they would be told what cute boys they had. (I have an older brother) I love music but never really related to it that much. Its always been more background noise for when I read. I've always been reading.

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    1. I can't imagine doing that to my daughters, lol ... they're like little-girl Samsons - their hair is like their cloak of power.

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  20. Oooo first time I have head of this!! One great song though that's for sure

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    1. Yeah it's one of my favorites right now, and will likely stay on my "power" list forever!

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