Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Truthful Tuesday: Confession Collection #1

Since last week I talked a little about how important it is to me to be seen as genuine and honest (yes, even though I had an absolute blast playing Four Truths And A Lie here and here), I thought this would be a great time to introduce Truthful Tuesday - the day I plan to use as confession day on the blog. This will be the day I tell the real truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.


The truth is ...

... I'm clumsy as hell. My low blood protein (and my largely sedentary writing life) keep my muscle tone in a place that's weaker than I'd like, so my core isn't as strong as it used to be. Lately I've been getting back into yoga, and I'd like to make time at some point to start doing pilates again - but in the meantime, I'm clumsy. Oh, and I drop stuff a lot, too.

... I've never seen The Walking Dead. And I have less than zero interest in ever changing that. So I don't get the memes, I'm not in on the jokes, and I'm totally cool with it because zombies have freaked me out ever since I first saw Night of the Living Dead (which is a horrible movie if you watch it now, but was SO scary back in the eighties when I saw it). I will probably never understand why zombies are so "in" now.



... I'm super easily amused. It doesn't take much to get me laughing, and once I've gotten going, I'll laugh until everyone around me is laughing at me for laughing so hard. Seriously, the day the Michael Jackson thing hit me, I thought I was gonna die laughing.

... I think I want to live in an RV. I'm loving the idea of full-time travel in the US, taking my kids on the road, sleeping off the beaten path, parking in the mountains, waking up lakeside, and even bookdocking while on cross-country jaunts. The girls and I are used to small-space living anyway, and this would just be SO freeing. Unfortunately, single mom life isn't gonna buy us an RV anytime soon, and neither of the girls has consented (yet) to homeschooling while on the road, so here were are at an impasse. Which is part of why ...

... I'm counting down to my kids turning eighteen and going off on their own. Not because I don't love mothering them - I do. These girls are the very light of my life and in a lot of ways, they're the reasons I'm still alive at all. But I do have a deep desire to travel and see the world, to explore and venture out of the places I've always been. After the last several years of my life, I desperately want to feel FREE - and there's nothing more free than being on the go, location independent, always on route to the next adventure. So I have right around 3700 days until the adventure begins, and I think that's just enough time to plan. Which I've already been doing.


... Therapy is hard. I mean, I truly believe I need it, and I truly am making the effort. I'm going through the workbooks, I'm using the bilateral tapping techniques, I keep my fidget cube with me all the time. But I am struggling, you guys. Sometimes I feel just on the edge of remembering something - only to reach out for it in my mind and have it disappear. I don't know which I hate the most - the empty places in my memory, or the fear that one day they will fill themselves in and I won't be able to stand what belongs in the gaps.



... I'm addicted to Farm Story 2. And as if that weren't bad enough, now I think I've gotten Dana addicted to it too. But then, maybe it wasn't me. Maybe she found it on her own. Maybe I had nothing to do with it at all, and it just happened because it was meant to be. Either way, the addiction remains. And I'm okay with it because there's no zombies or any freaky stuff at all - just cows and pigs and a super cute little plane, and farm orders that you don't have to feel guilty about if you don't have the right stuff.

... I'm still a warrior. I'm still doing what must be done, still going through every day giving it my all and juggling all the balls of my life to the very best of my ability. It doesn't always work, and sometimes I'm not sure I really have whatever it takes to walk through this with strength and class - but I'm trying, and that's really all anyone can expect.

What's been true for you lately?

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42 comments:

  1. I would love to learn to do Yoga I need to strengthen my core myself. I am right there with you on the clumsy. I always have bruises on me and half the time I can't remember how I got them.
    I have also never watched the Walking Dead and also have Zero desire to watch it. I am not a fan of scary movies or zombies. I did like World War Z though
    I don't think I could ever do the RV living I hate change and I hate crowds. Crowds make my PTSD go off the charts. I happy living in the country. I would like to when I retire sell our house and get a smaller house a little more off the road so I'm even more hidden in the country. Doubt it will happen but a girl can dream.
    Therapy is hard I did it for a while. People do not realize it's work until they go to therapy
    I stopped playing most on-line games except for Bejeweled Blitz. I am slowly catching up on all the print books hanging around my house that I have gotten in the past three years at book signings and haven't read. I will go back and reread a favorite and still have a bunch I need to read for the first time. I am a fast reader though so I've been trying to finish one print book every week to get caught up. The problem is if the book is part of a series I've been known to get sucked into the series and have to go find the rest of them to read. That is what happened to me on my vacation in February I was all set to read a bunch of my print books and the first one I read I got sucked into that world and ended up searching for the rest (the author had unpublished them) but luckily for me she offered them free on her website so I was able to finish them.
    You were talking goals in a early post and catching up on books i have it one of me. (I'm slowing catching up on my print books and my audio books but I think my e-book collection is a lost cause.)

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    1. Definitely learn some yoga - it's so good for you, not only physically, but as a treatment option for PTSD issues.

      I've never seen World War Z either - I'll have to google that one. As for the RV thing - My PTSD issues are actually part of why the RV life is so appealing to me, I think. I'll be free - I can come and go as I please. I can have the city OR the country. I'll have my own space - a space no one can ever take from me or make me feel uncomfortable in. So many good things about it - for me, at least.

      Therapy is definitely work - I anticipate doing it for a while too, though. Sometimes it's overwhelming. Glad you're spending so much time catching up on reading lately - reading is such a productive thing to do!

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  2. You first 3 TRUTHS === ARE MINE TOO! And is it sad that.... I haven't had kids yet but I already can't wait until they're 18? LMFAO!!!!

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    1. Not sad at all - it sounds about right, actually, lol.

      But truly, I love being a mother. These girls are my world, and I would trade this time with them for anything - not even the RV journey.

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  3. Wow, this inspires me to write something like this as well. I do agree, we have to stay true to ourselves, or else we lose who we are.

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  4. I do watch the Walking Dead, but I am over it. I think it's run it's course, but someday you might want to watch it - it's way more than just zombies.

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    1. At some point I'm sure I'll get curious enough to go check it out. I don't anticipate that happening anytime soon though.

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  5. I am so clumsy as well! I spill stuff on a daily basis.

    I do watch The Walking Dead, but it's gotten SO boring. I'm annoyed with it.

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    1. Clumsiness stinks sometimes, doesn't it? I spill things now and then too - but I'm mostly a dropper, not so much a spiller.

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  6. I have seen Walking Dead, but only the first season lol I thought I was like the only one who hasn't seen it all.

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    1. You're definitely not the only one! I haven't even seen the first season. I haven't seen even one episode.

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  7. I am great at yoga (If I say so myself ha!) and yet I am soooo clumsy! Great post!

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    1. Haha! I guess the two aren't mutually exclusive then. But back when I was more into Pilates, I DID notice a major improvement in my balance and posture.

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  8. Yes my love! You are a warrior and best of all you are always so candid and open about your struggles. Therapy is hard but well done for getting through it and lord I am clumsy too. I am always falling over or hitting my head on something lol x

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    1. Thank you - I always love seeing your comments here because I feel like our journeys through life have been so parallel to each other.

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  9. Funny you mention traveling in an RV- we have spent a while on the road traveling and homeschooling. Personally- while I LOVE to travel, spending a long time on the road was very tiring for ALL of us. The kids loved seeing new places and doing new things, but it's different than when you take a vacation because there is still regular "life" to deal with..lol..I don't know how to explain it. So many people we know do it successfully and love it, long term it's not for us (although we look forward to future RV trips- but they will be vacations and more relaxing haha!)

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    1. That's kind of why I'm okay with the idea that my girls aren't into it. I won't force the issue or try to make them agree or anything - but it's something I want so much to do!

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  10. I used to be addicted to those farm games on the computer. Actually, I usually find those games about every year and then one of them will get me addicted for three months. Eventually it will lose my interest because you cannot keep changing things in the game and make me happy. I know they do it to keep the people who are there happy but before long I get annoyed and then quit. Ah well. And I can understand the therapy being hard part. I know I need to go back and get some for myself to unpack a lot of things from my past, especially my marriage. And I get you on the RV thing. But being a dad who shares custody that I am not willing to give up on just yet, I cannot do that. I would need more income from this or some other source to have the kind of flexibility I would want to make that kind of a decision. I laughed at your counting down the days. I haven't gotten that far yet. :-). Maybe my ex has. Who knows?

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    1. Yeah, it will happen with me, too. I get into them and for a while it's all I want to do - but then I lose interest in it because there's only so much you can do when you're cheap like me and refuse to sink money into games.

      Go back to therapy if it will help you. I think exercising your own power over your mental wellness is SO important. And if it's marital baggage that you're carrying - you know you have to go through it before you can be in a healthy relationship again. Based on what I've seen on your blog, I think you want that, so therapy just seems like a natural move to me.

      As for the shared custody? NEVER give up. Never. As a daughter who felt abandoned and unwanted, I'll ask you for your own daughter's sake to stick it out despite the issues with the ex. This part is temporary - the issues with the ex are temporary. But don't let it become a wedge standing between you and your daughter. She's a blessing.

      But you might count down til she's eighteen because that's the day you're free from the bondage to your ex. (Actually, that was the first reason I started counting down. My youngest's eighteenth birthday marks the end of the prison that my last relationship was for me.)

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  11. What a lovely new segment! This is a great way to make yourself feel better and more confident. I've never imagine living in an RV! I wouldn't know what to do or where to go. I think it's nice that you're occupied with games as well. It's a nice way to get rid of stress.

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  12. You're not alone with not seeing the Walking Dead. I've never seen a single episode of that show. I think it's nice to go around the country in an RV but I'd still like to have a house. Therapy is never easy but you're a strong person and I know you can do it!

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    1. Thank you! I think for me, the RV is an extension of therapy. The loss of a rigid routine and so many ties, so many rules - the introduction of total freedom. Sure, there's still life stuff to deal with, grocery shopping and bills to pay and all. But ... so much freedom.

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  13. Maybe try some tai chi or things that need coordination. Imagine what you'll be when you're elderly if you don't make an effort when you're younger.

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    1. I'd love to learn Tai Chi, actually. It just seems like such a peaceful meditation!

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  14. Every language is full of beautiful words. Sometimes they are popular, sometimes you have to check their meaning in a dictionary.

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  15. I honestly love this blog topic...very interesting to read. I also have never seen the Walking Dead.

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    1. Thanks! Glad to have company in the No-Walking-Dead club!

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  16. I love your Truthful Tuesday. I'll have to do this sometime. I'm glad I'm not the only one that is clumsy lol.

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  17. I love this post! What's been true for me lately is: I'm tired. Raising 3 boys almost solo as my husband has been traveling for work. I'm dealing with health issues with our newest little one. It's daunting!

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    1. Oh my gosh, alone with three! I can't even imagine. We've got constant health issues too, and it stresses me out so much - but at least I've only got the two. I feel for you!

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  18. Being true to yourself will help to ease your mind, and also makes writings more powerful and emotional and relatable :)

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  19. You aren't clumsy until your Wii Fit tells you you are. I had never seen my husband and son share such a belly laugh at my expense. Oh, and I wit cha on the WD.

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    1. Hahaha!!! Your Wii Fit said you were clumsy??

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  20. I am easily amused aswell but have also never seen the walking dead, what truth can I really say? Let me say, I am more of a loner who believes more in single to struggle single to get back to feet, you can call it PRIDE, yes I am truthfully a proud person.

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    1. I'm right there with you. I tend to be pretty proud myself.

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  21. I love your positive outlook! I don't have an interest in Walking Dead so I feel you on this. Haha I'll have to check out Farm Story

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    1. Aww, thanks - positivity is a struggle for me, so I'm glad it's coming through. I love the days when I'm feeling hopeful and mostly alright about things. And yeah, I definitely recommend Farm Story - it's so fun!

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