Friday, September 29, 2017

Friday Feels: September


It has been three months now, and starting this post series is still something I'm totally thrilled about. It's a ton of fun to see what random feelings come up for me to talk about, and I'm really enjoying the way keeping it random means sitting down to explore feelings I wouldn't ordinarily have thought to assign myself. Being able to explore my life and myself in this new sort of way has been really enjoyable, actually - and while I somewhat expected to have gotten bored with it by now, I'm actually not (although lack of participation means I won't be bothering with the link-up side of it anymore).

So let's see what we're feeling as summer 2017 winds to its close, shall we? (Want to follow along? Click here to get your own random list of feelings, or feel free to use the same ones I got. Either way, if you decide to post a Friday Feels post, make sure to drop your link here in the comments - I'd love to see what other people are feeling!)

1. Annoyed:
I'm a fiery sort of woman with a markedly short fuse. I'm not a crazy, flying off the handle woman (usually), but I am easily irritated, especially by things that rub wrong against the rough edges of who I am - and one of those things is people with double standards. I've encountered more than my fair share of those people recently, and it frustrates me to no end to know that this world is so full of people who think they're that much better than others. I can submit to authority when it's authority I respect. And I can be fine with people living by the rules that work best for them, so long as they respect my need to abide by the rules which work best for me. But people who think they can set rules for other people that they aren't even willing to follow themselves? No. Way. Don't tell me to be quiet when you're being loud. Don't tell me I'm too messy if you're messy too. Don't tell me I'm too opinionated if you couldn't keep your mouth shut even if it was sewed closed. Just don't.

2. Apprehensive:
Apprehension is the crux of so much of my life - it's the state of being that lives just under the surface for me. Not active worry (which I'm covering later because it's #10 on this list), but just the sense that something's off - and that if nothing's off, it's about to be. It's the sense of impending crisis, the constant waiting for the proverbial other foot to drop. And it's the history of the other foot always dropping that confirms that this feeling isn't irrational - not for me. In my world, apprehension stems from learning to trust my own intuition, from believing that when my gut tells me something's going on, then it is. And if it isn't, it will be.

3. Brave:
Bravery is everything about this blog and my life right now. Getting out of bed every day when I'd rather hide. Facing the world when I'd rather pretend it isn't there. Mothering my kids even when I can't. Telling my truth even when it isn't sunshine and rainbows. Pressing on when it feels impossible. Admitting defeat when I know I need to - finding the strength to ask for help with what I cannot do on my own. And getting to know other women who are doing that too.

4. Fuming:
This whole football protest thing with the NFL? Yeah, I'm fuming. I don't usually like to get too political here because this really isn't the place for it, and I'd like this to be a place where anyone can be comfortable regardless of their politics. It's a blog about mental health, after all - I want my blog to be a place where everyone is comfortable. But protesting the American flag or the American National Anthem? That shit pisses me right off, and I'm not even slightly afraid to say so. I have relatives who fought in wars to protect our freedoms; friends who are current members of the military. And they aren't serving overseas so that they can watch the NFL spit in the face of their sacrifice. But beyond the politics or the validity of the protest, or the protesters particular feelings about President Trump, the timing of this protest is both divisive and disrespectful. Before the anthem like the Cowboys did? Fine. I still think locking arms during the anthem was rude and uncalled for, but to take a knee before the anthem as a way of making a joint statement? I don't like it - but it's fine. It's their prerogative. Doing it during the anthem? That's taking it too far - and it pisses me off.

5. Scared:
Some things in my personal life haven't been going as much according to plan as I would have liked, and this is complicating my life in huge ways, triggering my PTSD much more often than is good for me, and increasing the severity of what I recently found out it the cause of some of my other issues. On Monday this week, I was also diagnosed with PMDD, which is a whole new level of scary for me - although it gives me answers to quite a lot of my questions.

6. Secure:
This is God. It's always God - He's always there, always looking out for me, always working for the best for me. Recently I mentioned a book that I really really wanted to read - it seemed like such a perfect book for me and the things I've been going through, and the stories it uses are stories that have deeply impacted me in the past. Well, a few days after writing about that book, I happened to come across it on my libraries digital website, and lo and behold, the e-book was available to check out. I'm not finished reading it yet, but this book has given me unspeakable comfort in the last few days, and has reminded me to stay hopeful regardless of how things might look sometimes.

7. Shocked:
What I've found most shocking recently was the way I ended up being able to totally revamp all of my novels to celebrate my five-year anniversary as an author. I won't tell all the details here, but I'll say that I have cried gallons in gratitude over this, and I am so ready to reveal the new covers! The Selkie covers will go up first, with the new covers hopefully going live on or before October 1, and I'll be doing a bit of a cover reveal across my main social media channels - so if you aren't following me on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter (and I'm on Google+, for anyone using that), then you should be, because these new covers from Sly Fox Cover Designs are TOO gorgeous to miss out on!

8. Uninformed:
I consistently feel uninformed in my efforts to turn this blog and my writing into a way to support my family. I don't know enough about design, don't know enough about marketing, can't for the life of me figure out how to master SEO. I don't know how to market books - I just know how to write them, and the same goes for Patreon. And the worst part is that as soon as I learn something new, something else comes out that works better, faster, more effectively. In this, I tend to feel very much like no matter what I learn or how much effort I put in ... it might never be enough ...

9. Upset:
... which is upsetting. Making a real living with my writing is my dream, and every day that I sit down with this laptop and create content for my readers to relate to is another day that I got to live a little part of that dream. I'm writing, and that means so much to me - especially when so many other parts of my life feel totally out of control. But the fact is, I'm still not making a solid enough independent living doing this. I still have hope that I could and I'm still seeing small forward progress ... but I'm not there yet.

10. Worried:
It made me laugh to see this come up on my list. What makes me worried? Everything. With PTSD, anxiety is my life - I'm worried about the health problems that plague both of my daughters. I'm worried about Josephine developing complications from the heart surgery she had when she was four. I'm worried about those complications requiring more surgery in the future. I'm worried about the possibility that Eden's most recent ear surgery (this is number 5 for her) may have been less successful than we had hoped. I'm worried that this could mean less chances of success for her next surgery ... and any surgeries still to come. I'm worried about the financing of those surgeries. But I worry about little things too - holidays and clothing and birthdays and school supplies and the transmission in my van and the little lump developing just to the right of my dog's belly button and ... Well, you get the point.

So as usual, I'm feeling all the things - and as usual, I'm feeling all the things strongly. What are you feeling lately?


Today's "Featured Favorite Product" is this five-year journal, which asks you a different question every day of the year. At the end of the first year, you'll go back to the beginning and continue to answer the questions a second time, and third time, and so on - I love the way journals like this simplify journaling and bring life down to the little elements:
  • Are you happy today?
  • What was for lunch?
  • Who is your favorite person?
I love the way filling out such a journal will allow you over time to go back and reflect on how your life has changed over the course of a year - and how it hasn't.


But maybe that's because I'm a straight-up, card-carrying journaling fan. I love taking the time to write down what I'm feeling, to share my stories and my memories, to leave something behind that might one day be of value somewhere, to someone. I've always loved the idea of a time capsule - and this book perfectly combines my love of books, my love of journaling, and my intrigue with the whole time capsule idea. Plus, it doesn't hurt that it's just under $15, either.

Quick Disclaimer: Since I am using affiliate links in this post, remember that if you choose to click product links on my site and end up purchasing through them, I will receive a (very) small commission for referring you. Rest assured that this is at no extra cost to you, but my family and I appreciate your support. (If you'd like to see a list of other companies I'm currently working with on a more regular basis, click here.)
Thanks for checking in with me this month and following along as I check in with myself. If you're a blogger, I'd love if you share a link to your own Friday Feels in the comments, but if not, that's okay too - feel free to write your own Feels right in the comments section. You can use the same ones as me, or make up your own if you'd like; either way, I'd love to hear from you!

If you enjoyed this post, please take the time to look around - and if you find that something that really resonates with you, I'd love if you shared it with your friends! And speaking of friends, why don't you click here to find out more about what it means to be undaunted - maybe you'll find that you already know the perfect nominee for October's Undaunted Woman! I've been interviewing Undaunted Women for the last two months, and I've been having an absolute blast getting to know such strong and determined women. I'm really looking forward to seeing the Undaunted Interview series grow into something truly inspiring.

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However we stay connected, whether it's through my books, this blog, my social media profiles, or even Patreon, you can always rest assured that my brand is built on the concept of what I write and who I'm writing it for. "Love Stories and Lifestyle for the Undaunted Woman." So whether you're a first time reader or a long-time loyal follower ... from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being here.

2 comments:

  1. I am feeling both disappointed but hopeful with the end of the 2017 Summer . I did not accomplish what I set out to do and feel like the year is already over. Saying this, I plan to use this as motivation to work harder, set more focused, measurable goals and hopeful that I will get back on track before the new year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That sounds like a great plan! Just keep trying, because while dropping the ball now and then is part of life, what matters most is whether or not you choose to pick it back up.

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