Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Top Ten Tuesday: My Top Ten Pet Peeves

This year I'm changing up my blogging schedule a little bit, and now that BLOGuary's daily (except Sunday) blogging is behind me, I'm moving to blogging every fourth day instead of every third day. I like this schedule because it still allows me to blog on all seven days - which allows me to keep the daily alliterative titles I fell so in love with through the course of 2017. But I also like that with the days spaced out just this bare little bit more, it means I have time to let me Patrons take charge of what I'm posting sometimes.

Most blog posts on this site (aside from Friday Feels and the Undaunted Interviews) will now have their topics chosen by my subscribers on Patreon, who will get to participate in vote polls to choose my blog prompts. You see, most of my titles come with a general theme - Friday Feels is emotional openness and mental wellness, Motivation Monday is meant to be motivational or share something that motivates me, Self-Care Sunday is about self-care strategies, and so on. So now, this new fourth-day schedule allows just enough time for my Patrons to choose the upcoming topics for the blog.

The first vote of this kind ended with a tie between Top Ten Tuesday and Tuesday Travel; I flipped a coin, and here we are. 


1. Passive-aggressive and covert-aggressive behavior.
This type of behavior is often borne of unexpressed (and sometimes even unreasonable) resentment toward others, and people who frequently engage in this sort of thing as a lifestyle disturb me for several reasons - particularly if they know about it and are proud of it (this is covert-aggression - hidden and subtle, but purposeful nonetheless, whereas passive-aggressive acts are often committed unknowingly).

Either way (whether it's passive-aggressive or covert-aggressive), people who engage in this sort of thing make my peeve list every time - most notably because the behavior is inherently dishonest. Instead of coming right out with a clear and open effort to communicate and deal with the problem, passive aggressive people often attempt to pick petty fights in other subtle ways in order to "get even" or "get back at" someone. These behaviors are even more exaggerated in covert-aggressives because they're actually doing it purposely in an effort to provoke the person they're angry with, so that the other party ends up being the one who "started it" or "brought it up." (Ex: backhanded compliments, sabotage, degrading "jokes," etc.)

And as if that weren't bad enough (especially if the person in question is proud of their behaviors), I tend to believe passive aggression is closet cowardice - which, piled on top of being dishonest, creates a pretty abhorrent person in general, in my opinion. Nothing says cowardice to me like a person with issues who is too afraid of their own emotions to face them, and is instead choosing to take them out on others, often in quiet ways that can't even be addressed by the intended target of the behaviors.

Uugggh. I hate those people. All of them. (Yes, even myself, when I catch me acting like that. Ugh.)


2. People who misspell my name - when they're looking at it.
It happens all the time - in messages, texts, emails. Even members of my own family do it occasionally.  And in situations where people don't know me well enough, I could understand, honestly. I mean, it's not like I have the kind of name that can only have one spelling. It could be Brandi, Brandy, Brandie, Brandee, Brandey ... so many options, and those are just the ones I could think of while running on emotional empty after a weekend of trying to be polite and make Jesus proud while dealing with the kind of people mentioned in point number one.

Back to this point though - and what really upsets me about people misspelling my name, especially if it's a friend or family member who should know better anyway. Seriously, it makes me grit my teeth so hard it feel like I'll shatter them when my name is literally right in front of someone and they still spell it wrong - like on an email reply or a Facebook comment reply or message. I really just want to scream a little every time that happens. Or a lot.


3. The Bingo-speak all the kids (and I wish it were at least only the kids) are texting with.
You've seen it right? It's in every text from your teenager, every text conversation between your teen and their friends. It's all over Twitter and Facebook and just about any other social media or communication avenue young people are using (oh my gosh, I'm old enough to be using the phrase "young people" - and I'm pretty sure as I type this I can already hear my cousin laughing). It's ridiculous and frankly, it makes me sad for the loss of the importance of coherent grammar - and what's really sad is that it's bleeding over in such a way that we're not just using short abbreviated text because it's faster. In way too many cases, these kids literally don't know the proper way to spell things, because they rarely practice using actual grammar. It's even pissed me off enough to mention here before.

"U git it? Bcuz omg."


4. When I'm talking to someone and they start talking to someone else - literally while I'm still talking to them.
Like mid-sentence. Mid-word, even. And not even because someone just walked by and you really need to interrupt this conversation to tell that person that you found their missing diamond engagement ring. No, what drives me to mental violence is when I'm in the middle of telling someone something and they're so deeply not paying attention that they've stopped even hearing me, so when someone else walks by, they're like, "Oh hey, Susie, did you know raindrops are made of water?"

And I'm left standing there with my hands in the air and my mouth fallen open like, "Dude, what just happened??"

And oh my God, if the person I was talking to responds by saying, "Oh I thought you were done."

How did you think I was "done" when I was IN THE MIDDLE OF A WORD!?!?!

I'm not kidding you guys. Mental violence. On my face I'm only scowling, and in my words I'm like, "Whatever, you obviously didn't care what I was saying anyway." But oh, in my mind? I'm taking the lemon life just gave me, wrenching it open with my fingernails, and then squeezing the juice directly into every paper-cut you've ever had in your life.


5. Lateness.
Those of you who have been reading here for any length of time will already know that I have complex PTSD, which often means I am filled with anxiety over one thing or another as I make my way through each day. There are lots of little things that trigger this anxiety, stressing me out and sometimes even driving me to frustrated anger. Lateness is one of them.

Of all the things that drive me most crazy, lateness is pretty high on the list - not because I feel any concern over some terrible thing happening, but usually because my perception of lateness is that it indicates a certain disrespect for the person you've agreed to be on time with. For example, when I make a doctor's appointment for 10 o'clock and end up sitting in a waiting room until 11:30, it infuriates me because this implies that my time isn't valuable; however, you can bet that if I showed up to a 10 o'clock appointment at 11:30, I'd be reprimanded for being late and I'd have to reschedule. I would likely also be reminded that only so many such encounters will be tolerated. Alright then, so how is it okay for me to sit in a waiting room for hours as if I had nothing better to do with my time or no other appointments to make that day? If I have to respect the value of your time, don't you have to respect the value of mine as well?

This bleeds over into other aspects of my life too, such as the school-day morning routine in our family. Lateness is a huge trigger for me, both for anxiety and for irritation - but it isn't bothersome at all for my unfocused and totally free-paced little Eden. This is a kid full of life and she is determined to enjoy every single minute of it to the best of her ability - and, most certainly, at her own slow, devil-may-care pace. We're late to just about everything unless I make her get started an hour (or two) early. It makes me crazy.


6. Game invites and pushy MLM recruiters.
I mean, I understand. Sometimes we just need to sit down and veg out and lose a couple of hours playing Farmville or Candy Crush or whatever. But no, I will not help you get to level 847 by joining the cult. No, I will not download, install, and open this game so that I can send you a coconut for the hut you're building, I won't help you with an exploding donut cluster, and I don't care how awesome you think the game is. I am a single mom with a lot on my plate right now, and I don't have space in my life for that right now. And I'm too busy playing JetPack JoyRide and clicking the Bored Button to get into any other games anyway.

Which brings me to the MLM recruiters. But don't get me wrong, okay - I loved when my cousin was an Avon rep, and I'm sad that she's not anymore because now I'll have to find someone else to get my favorite perfumes and Micellar Water from. And I pretty well adore my Jamberry consultant, not only because she keeps me in gorgeous wraps that eliminate drying time and stick around for weeks without messing up, but also because she's an amazingly strong woman with a heart of gold.

But if we're not friends, or if we used to be but haven't been for years and years, do not send me a Faceboook message like, "Hey! I've sure missed you over the years and I'm so glad we can get back in touch! Wanna join my ____ team?" No actually, I don't.

Literally, there was this one girl who used to message me all the time about her products and her cool group and her neat stuff and her great income and blah, blah, blah - and then I was like, "Nah, I'm not in a place to join up right now because I have a lot going on, but I'd love to cross promote with you. I'm a blogger and I love reviewing new products and promoting small business." And she dropped off the conversation so fast it was like someone pushed her entirely off the face of the Earth. Dude, if you're trying to build an MLM team, don't do it like that. It's pushy and it makes you suck. Do it like my Jamberry chick, who makes me want to buy thousands of products and join her team even though she's never asked me to (which is good though because I literally have so much going on in my life).

I guess it's not really the games and the MLM's that get me. It's the pushiness. Ugh.


7. When my kids (or other people around me) have nothing to say to me all day long - until I'm obviously trying to concentrate on watching or listening to something.
Oh. My. God. This makes me crazy. Like so crazy. Like the kind of wild crazy that shocks people. The kind that makes you give the mom look even if the perpetrator of annoyance isn't even your kid. And it's even worse if it's done repeatedly, because then I start to feel like it's being done purposefully.

If you go all day long ignoring what I say to you, rejecting every attempt at conversation, and giving me one-word answers to everything - and then suddenly become chatty the second I pick up a book? Seriously, I might throw it at you. Or if you instantly have something to say the second I put an earbud in my ear, and then get quiet when I take it out so that I can pay attention to you - and then start talking again when I put it back in??? Aaarggh!!

Dude, no. Just don't.


8. Militant dietary people.
It's okay with my if you're on a low-carb diet. It's okay with me if you're vegan, or vegetarian, or pescetarian, or Paleo. Whatever. Eat what you want, it's none of my business. But if I'm eating a hamburger and you feel the need to tell me how cows are killing the planet and I'm a horrible person for eating the grilled flesh of a poor defenseless animal, then I swear to you ...

I will double up on the bacon.

Yes, animals are cute. Yes, sometimes animal farms aren't always humane. Yes, the chickens live in bad conditions.

That's why I'm doing my part. If I eat this chicken, he doesn't have to suffer anymore, got it? And if I eat it breaded and fried on a sandwich, do not try to guilt me about the carbs. You eat what you want, I'll eat what I want. If that's a problem for you, then let's not eat together. Duh.

And this goes for diet people too. Yes, I know how many calories are in this donut. No, I don't care how many miles I'd have to run to work it off. First of all, that's not my relationship with food. Second off all, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly a runner. Lay off.


9. People who automatically assume that anytime a woman is upset, scared, anxious, angry, lonely, or depressed, it absolutely must be because it is her "time of the month."
Yeah, because women literally never feel any of those things at all unless they're pouring blood from their nether regions, right? Suuure. I mean, it can't possibly be because she's feeling ignored or hurt or having a rough day at work or not feeling well or hasn't eaten all day or didn't sleep well last night or any number of other non-vaginal-bleeding sorts of reasons. Right? Right??

I mean, unless she's like me and lives with PMDD. Because if she has PMDD, she might have all that stuff on a normal range on a normal daily basis anyway, but with PMDD ... she's gonna probably have all that stuff all at once and not even be able to pinpoint why. But even then, PMDD actually usually lets up when the period starts, so yeah.

AND FINALLY ...


10. Double-standard-having hypocrites who not only behave badly, but are proud of it.
I'm not even sure this needs an explanation. I mean, we've all encountered them, right? People who are like, "Oh my goodness, don't judge me because of my hair/skin/clothes/piercings/tattoos/weight/whatever!" And then they literally turn around to judge someone else because of their hair/skin/clothes/piercings/tattoos/weight/whatever. I'm not even kidding, I know people who walk around and preach loving-kindness and compassionate understanding on a daily basis, but then they're like, "Ew, did you seriously sit that close to that homeless guy? You better check your pockets now." Or they're lighting a cigarette as they're saying something like, "Oh, you shouldn't drink that much coffee, you know how bad it is for you??"

That's as bad as people who never clean up after themselves but complain about how messy other people are, or who take 47 naps every day but imply that everyone else is lazy. And when they know they're doing it and they think it's cute or funny? Ugh, I can't even.


What are your pet peeves? Do we have any in common - and if we do, do these things bother you for the same reasons? How do you deal with stuff like this when you're faced with it, or when you're in a situation where you can't just walk away? Like, what would you do if you were at a company dinner with a vegan who couldn't stop making a nauseous face over your bacon cheesebuger?

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