Tuesday, May 8, 2018

What Moms Really Want For Mother's Day

It's May, which means Mother's Day is upon us. And while I've written poetry about motherhood not just once, but at least twice, I've also written about mothering with mental illness, my life as a single mom, and even how I keep my focus on raising my daughters to become Undaunted despite their challenges.

I've even shared inspiring songs for moms - but the closest I've come to really getting down to the nitty-gritty of what moms really want was when I wrote a post sharing some of my dream vacation ideas.

So I thought this year's Mother's Day would be a great chance to talk about what I really want as a mom ... and what your mom might just want, too.


In keeping with the way I choose and write my quarterly goals based on a list of categories that help me guide my planning without overwhelming myself with too many goals, I'm going to write this Mother's Day wishlist based on a few categories as well. So, without further ado ...


IN MY PERSONAL LIFE AND MENTAL HEALTH, I CRAVE
  • A Sense of Safety: As a survivor of every kind of domestic abuse throughout the years of my life, one of the things I most deeply crave, but cannot seem to find and maintain, is a sense of safety. I want to live a life that allows me to let go of the need for hyper-vigilance.
  • Better Mindfulness: One of my favorite ways to deal with crisis in the moment is to remind myself that "in this moment, I am okay." I first heard that from Alayna Fender, who is one of my all-time favorite YouTubers because she's funny, sweet, and totally inspiring - and I have since shared it with Eden, who also suffers from anxiety. It works for her, too.
  • Financial Security: I grew up totally poor, with a disabled single mom who had heartbreaking physical health problems often compounded by various mental health issues. I felt the stigma of poverty nearly as strongly as I felt the pain of childhood abuse trauma, and I still deal with chronic, intrusive feelings of shame over it. I want very much to have the kind of financial security that would protect my daughters from carrying the same burden ... and I am crushed by the fear that I'll get there too late.
  • Better Confidence in My Worth and Abilities: Partly because of my experiences and partly because of my tendency to have porous boundaries and a not-entirely-healthy need to be approved of, I haven't really ended up with the best confidence. Not that that's a surprise to anyone, since women in general are encouraged to lack confidence - and are often berated for having it - but I'd like to improve my confidence in myself, my worth, and my abilities, not only because it'll benefit me, but because then I can share it with others.
  • A Higher Ranking on My Own To-Do List: One of the best ways to increase confidence in yourself (and increase the quality of treatment you receive from those around you) is simply to take better care of you. The fact is, everyone has a to-do list that's a mile long. We're all working on learning something, improving something, growing ourselves. What we need to internalize is that we can't accomplish any of that with long-lasting success if we continue to place ourselves at the bottom of our own priorities. I want very much to get better at this, while still maintaining a balance that keeps me humble and compassionate for others.

Which brings us along to ...


IN FITNESS AND BEAUTY, I DESIRE
  • A Prettier Smile: One of the best surefire ways to jump-start your confidence in yourself (especially if you're a single mom living on coffee to make it through the days - and sometimes wine to make it through the evenings) is to have a smile you're proud of. For me, this means keeping up with brushing and all the usual stuff, occasional coconut oil pulling, and even using whitening products like Smile Brilliant when my tooth-staining diet is too much for my oral hygiene to keep up with. I've used this product for a while now, and what I love even more than the perfect fit of the custom treatment trays is that the product is vegan and cruelty-free, they go out of their way to help consumers avoid bleaching sensitivity, and they totally inform you of what you're getting into before you start. (To see the results from my very first whitening with Smile Brilliant, click here - and to win a FREE $149 kit for yourself or your mom this Mother's Day, click here. Or if you want to get straight to whitening without waiting, you can save $20 by using brandi20off when you check out - and if you're buying a better smile for your mom this year, use brandi50off instead and you'll save $50. Seriously, guys, that's like 30% off!)
  • Better Posture: I've been making more effort this year to keep up with my yoga practice, which is good for much more than my posture. But I am loving the way it makes me feel taller, stronger, more peaceful, more flexible ... and yes, the improved posture helps with my back pain too. Doesn't take it away - but it helps.
  • Stable Medication Management: This year I've started taking medication for my blood pressure, as well as Zoloft for the depression and anxiety issues inherent to PTSD and PMDD diagnoses. The Zoloft is still being adjusted to find the proper dosage, I've also started a separate anxiety medication to supplement it, and my primary care physician has recommended a more qualified psychiatrist to help manage my complicated list of symptoms. So I'm working on that, too.
  • More Manicures: Life has been crazy lately, and I've fallen away from using my Jamberry collection. And I miss them. I miss having pretty fingernails. I miss having the time to put pretty fingernails together. And since I don't have the time or the patience to deal with the mess and the waiting of traditional polish, I really need to give myself permission to engage in better self-care. For example: manicures.
  • Better Makeup Skills: I'm pretty decent with general makeup - I can blend foundation, make blemishes mostly disappear, and create fairly decent, light-handed, natural-looking contour. However, I'm absolute crap with eyeliner, I can never find exactly the right mascara, and while I adore lipstick, I hate that the only ones I've found that stick around perfectly tend to turn  a little fluorescent after a while. As soon as I achieve the financial stability I'm trying to attain and can justify spending more on things like that, I'm thinking I'll look into something like the Walmart Beauty Box - that way I can try playing with different types and styles of makeup each quarter without having to go broke to do it.


IN FAMILY WELLNESS, I WISH FOR forward progress on the upcoming move, continued healing for my daughters, solutions to my mother's healthcare issues, and of course, just like everyone else, in my heart I pray most fervently for success in business, parenting, and life in general. I have a soul-deep dream to one day be successful enough to dig myself deep into various philanthropic pursuits - to be the person able to repay (and pay forward) the various ways others have gone out of their way to help me over the years. I want to advocate for abused women, and help create a path to freedom from the economic abuse that often co-exists with other types of domestic abuse.

I want to be a voice of empowerment and encouragement, a source of strength that can be poured over those who haven't found their own yet.

But mostly, just like any other mom, I want to make a difference in this life - one that makes life a little better for my daughters than it has been for me.

Are you a Mom? If so, what do you want for Mother's Day? And if you're not a Mom, what are you planning to give the Mom in your life this year?


If you liked this post, related to it in some way, or know someone who needs to see it, make sure you drop a comment below - I would love your feedback as well as the chance to interact with you! It would also be great if you could share the link to this post with your friends - it helps me get my blog out there, and I love that it brings new exposure to the Undaunted Army and what we hope to accomplish! Be sure you check out my quarterly giveaway page, too - there are several free and easy ways to enter - and members of the Undaunted Army are always eligible for extra entries!

And speaking of the Army, I'd like to personally invite you to take your place among the ranks of those who have fought and survived the battles of life. Addiction, abuse, violence, divorce, parenting, illness, and other traumas are real battles too, and those who suit up to fight every day have a right and an obligation to nurture their own health, well-being, and self-empowerment. But there is strength in numbers, as as a member of the Undaunted Army, you have the hope of knowing that you will never have to fight your battles alone again. Enlist as an Undaunted Army Private for free, or invest in the growing impact of the Army with an Undaunted Army Officer Commission for as little as $1 a month.

However we stay connected, always know that my brand and the Undaunted Army itself are solely built on what I write and who I'm writing it for. "Love Stories and Lifestyle for the Undaunted Woman" isn't just a slogan or a tagline - it's a purpose and a goal, which is why, whether you're a first time reader or a long-time loyal follower ... from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for being here.


NOTE: I often use affiliate links in my product mentions on this site, so remember that if you choose to click my product links and end up purchasing through them, I will probably receive a (very) small commission for referring you to the merchants and products I love best. Rest assured that this is at no extra cost to you - but also know that my family and I appreciate your support! (To see a list of other companies I'm currently working with, click here.)

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