Saturday, May 20, 2017

Saturday Sentiment: A Letter To 48 Year Old Me

A few months ago, I wrote a letter to 16 year old me, telling myself to stay strong and to keep my chin up, to be ready for the challenges ahead. I told myself that life was gonna keep being hard, and that in some ways, it was going to be getting harder. I told myself the truth - with no spoilers.

Then, one of my readers suggested in the comments that I take that letter, turn it around, and try writing one to future me - and so, in keeping with the sort-of timeline I've been using (32 year old me wrote to the me of 16 years ago, and is now writing to the me of 16 years in the future, except that I'm 33 now so the math is jacked, but shhh - we'll keep that a secret.) ... I give you ... my letter to 48 year old me.


Dear Me,

First of all, stop worrying about your face. It looks fine, and you should know by now that aging doesn't decide your worth any more than your weight ever did. 

In the meantime - if you're reading this, it's because you made it. You survived childhood, heartbreak, rejection, and misery. You survived threats against your life, narcissistic abuse, financial ruin, and the loss of a future you had counted on. You stood up and walked through the painful death of a dear friend. You stood tall through the loss of your matriarch, possibly the loss of your mother, and probably a few other losses as well.

I imagine you've made it through other things too, but I hope with all of my heart that what I'm doing right now - what I'm putting myself through in preparation for being you - will have set you up to finally achieve the success everyone I know told me you would never have. I hope you've been careful with the investments I've set up for you - if you're anything like me, I'm sure you've grown them a bit by now.

Now that Joey and Eden are both grown up and on their own, you're likely in the process of embarking on a whole new phase of life, and while I'm sure the changes in your purpose and identity are both scary and thrilling, I hope you're taking them in stride - with as much courage and steadiness of spirit as you always had back when you were me. If things have gone according to my plan, you're just wrapping up a worldwide cruise, and it's finally time to buy that RV you've been waiting for. If there's still enough of my wanderlust left in you, you'll be just about to head out on the road trip of a lifetime, and so I thought this would be a good time to offer you just a few of my very best wishes and deepest hopes for your life.

I hope that the dreams I've held for you have come to pass, that you've built support around this writing thing, and that it has grown in ways that are able to support you. I hope you loved cruising as much as I always thought you would, that you're enjoying the journey, and that you're still sharing it here with your readers. I hope you have a TON of readers, and that they support each other as well as they support you - this this blog will have grown into so much more. I hope it has become a community.

I hope you're still writing fiction - even if none of it has landed on a best-seller's list yet. I hope you haven't lost your passion, that you haven't lost the love of love stories.

And speaking of that ...

I hope you're living a love story, too. I hope you've stumbled upon someone, whether it be through your writing, your travels, or your trips to the grocery store ... and I hope he's beautiful. Not only in the physical sense, because looks fade - you can see that just by looking in the mirror, I imagine - but also in the sense of being caring and generous, kind and thoughtful, smart, funny, and strong. I hope he talks to you all the time, sharing his hopes and his dreams, and I hope he listens as well as he talks.

I hope he holds your hand, and that he's a spectacular kisser. I hope he loves your body - and I hope that you've finally learned to love it, too.

More than anything, I hope you're stronger and wiser, smarter and gentler ... and still just as much of a dreamer as you always were ... back when you were me.

With best wishes and eternal hope,
Me.

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2 comments:

  1. I love this post. You are making me feel old though I turn 47 next week.
    I hope this blog continues to grow as I love reading your posts and the replies too

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, thank you! I'm sorry to have made you feel old though - but 47 isn't that old. I mean, my Grandma's in her 80s, so ...

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