Behind The Curtain: Staying Strong When Life Gets Hard

Lately, my life has been full of ups and downs. I finally finished chapter seventeen in STILL FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM, and I had an incredible time at my church's annual youth conference. But no one stays on the mountaintop long; with everything I'm juggling and a new financial scare landing in my mailbox, I'm struggling to stay grounded in my usual positivity.

I tend to roll through things quietly, partly because I’m always moving from one thing to the next, and partly because I don’t allow myself much space for public vulnerability. The internet is a fragile place; one moment you’re everyone’s sweetheart and the next, you’re on the wrong side of a candy corn debate. So I keep my current personal life private, which can make me seem stronger than I feel. People see me as a woman of strong faith, largely healed from deep, long-term trauma, so they assume I just go from step to step without missing a beat, unshaken. The reality is so much more complex.

Like the Wizard of Oz on the big screen, I take the steps, do the things, trust in my faith and my coping skills...but behind that curtain? I’m a disabled single mom trying to figure things out, a real person with fears and vulnerabilities just like anyone. So today I’m inviting you, like Dorothy, to peek behind the curtain.

This weekend's conference focused on encouraging the youth in my church to discover their God-given purpose, starting with Moses at the burning bush. In Exodus 3, God called Moses to lead the Israelites out of slavery—a daunting task for a man who felt unworthy and unqualified. Purpose doesn’t always feel straightforward though, so we moved into Exodus 14, where Moses and the Israelites were trapped between Pharaoh’s army and the Red Sea, scared and unable to escape. The people lashed out in fear, but Moses reassured them, saying, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” That verse has carried meaning and a promise for me for over twenty years; I first read it as a young, terrified new mom, facing violent threats from my then-husband and fighting for a better life for my daughter. Decades later, it remains a powerful reminder of God’s protection and provision. I came home from that conference filled with hope, only to be hit with discouraging news—a letter about a financial issue that could be disastrous for my household. I know it'll get settled, but right now it's scary; I balance so many responsibilities on my own, and this felt like an unnecessary blow.

I usually hate when people say they're "triggered," but right now, I am. Stress levels skyrocketed, PTSD went haywire, and I'm wondering how I'll get through the month without the support I rely on to keep my home running. It sent me back to the pre-healed days, where fear was a constant companion. I've been post-traumatic as long as I can remember (my earliest memories are dissociated) and because of my mother, financial insecurity is always a quick "trigger" for me. I'm careful and generally responsible with money, but as a disabled person, I can’t just pick up extra work to cover gaps, and SSI limits what I’m allowed to save (when I have enough to save), which adds to the frustration. Financial security is one of the few things that really shakes me, and I’ve been through these feelings before. They usually pass...but they never get easier.

When life hits like this, I lean on faith and practicality to keep moving. Faith is my anchor—when I’m anxious, I pray, trusting God to make a way even if I can’t see it yet. I listen to worship music that reminds me of who He is, what He's promised for my life, and that I’m not as alone as I sometimes feel. Faith over fear is more than just a pretty phrase.

I also live by the concept of "the next right step." Days like today, I focus on what I can handle right now, even if that means waiting for tomorrow to tackle something I can’t solve today. This mindset drives the routines that keep me balanced; anxiety makes me forgetful, so updating my task list and staying organized are part of my survival kit, along with taking my medication, planning my day, and prioritizing rest. Another thing that helps is giving myself grace. I want to be the steady one who has it all together, but strength doesn’t mean being unaffected—it means being facing uncertainty with faith and practicality even when it’s hard. Feeling my emotions instead of brushing them off helps too, because while it isn’t easy to open up about these kinds of struggles, vulnerability has a way of connecting us.

I'm choosing to share this, not because I have all the answers, but because I know there are others who feel the same way I do and need to know they’re not alone. We're all just people “behind the curtain,” and I hope my journey reminds you that strength isn’t about never struggling; it’s about choosing to keep going. So, if you’re in a season that feels uncertain, know that you’re not alone. No matter how “strong” someone looks on the outside, we’re all doing our best to take each right step as it comes.

There’s power in not giving up. So I’m here, pulling back the curtain to remind you that real strength isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about the courage to keep moving forward, and the will to...

Gleaning Hope: From Struggle to Strength

The quote in the above image is more than a sneak peek at my newest book release, more than a little blurb from FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM (which, by the way, is now available for preorder!). It's more than a dash of comedy tucked into a life lesson. It's a tidbit of wisdom I found in hard times - and the one good thing that comes from hard times is the knowledge you can share with others who haven't made it out yet.

One of my favorite Bible stories is the book of Ruth; not because Ruth got herself a spectacular man in the end (she did, though), but because of what she had to go through in order to find herself in his presence. She was a foreigner in a smallish community, there by the power of loyalty and devotion despite fear and displacement and the looming threat of abject poverty. She spent her time gleaning leftover grains of barley and wheat to survive and to take care of her widowed mother-in-law, though she was widowed too. Probably lonely. Probably hot and dusty. Probably mourning the life she'd thought she would have.

I've never been in exactly the same situations, but I've been close enough. I've had to glean figurative grain from days that felt like desolate fields, with very little hope, holding onto anything I could find. Survival mode is real, y'all.

For anyone rolling their eyes at the Bible reference, let me try another way. There's a meme I see now and then, circulating on social media. It's an image of a hand, reddened and swollen, clearly straining as the mind controlling that hand holds desperately to something painful in order to avoid emptiness. The meme varies sometimes, but the hand is usually wrapped in ropes, coarse and fibrous and too tight. Below that is a contrast image; the hand now empty and finally healing, free from the strain of holding on too hard for too long.

We've all done it. Held on too tight to a rope that was sapping our strength, stealing our energy, choking the joy of life from our moments little by little.

The rope is a one-sided friendship. A job we actively despise. A habit or mindset we know isn't serving us. Sometimes it's a parent who's never going to understand you. A child you have to let go of, so they can learn the hard way what you so wanted to teach them gently. A community group that fits about as comfortably as a pair of too small underwear.

For many women (and yes, many men), it's a marriage or romantic partnership gone sour. Sometimes we try so hard, hold on so hard...because we hope this next effort will do it. Will make them see. And understand. We give all of what we have to "make it work," and when that doesn't do it, we dig deeper, give more. We don't even realize it's a rope around our throats.

Let me tell you, there is freedom in letting go of what can't or doesn't or won't serve the good in your life. It may feel like soul-deep rope-burn in the moment, but there is such power in opening your hands and watching that hopeless situation slide through your fingers. Does it feel that way immediately? Strong and empowered? Not usually. But in the healing, you realize you now have space and time and energy to reach for good things.

It is in the midst of one such letting-go moment in FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM that Peyton Porter says, "You have to empty a box of crap before you can put something worth keeping in it."

Life will always be full of challenges, but as you navigate whatever is challenging you today, please remember that letting go isn’t a sign of weakness. It takes courage to stop holding onto a losing battle and reach for healing instead. Just like Ruth gleaned what she could to survive in the Bible and Christine had to seek safety and growth at the Safe House, we can find strength in our struggles and hope in letting go.

I don't know if your imaginary box of crap is holding a toxic relationship or a collection of harmful habits, but I do know that when you pour it out, you’ll find room for something beautiful to take root.

I’ve poured my heart into the second edition expansion of FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM, and while we're still twenty-seven weeks away from the official release, I'd like to invite you to go ahead and preorder the book. I have always wanted this story to reflect a domestic abuse survivor's journey in a powerful and inspiring way, so if you choose to pick it up, I hope it serves you in growth and healing as much as I hope it entertains.

I'm three quarters of the way through the sequel, STILL FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM, and as I write the rest of the story, please know how grateful I am for all of your support. Every word you read here is a part of my own healing, every comment or share here or on social media is an encouragement that keeps the stories coming, and every member of the Undaunted Army plays a part in my effort to...

An A-List Dinner Party: My Top Picks for Conversation and Wisdom

I love conversation starters almost as much as I love inspirational quotes; they're deceptively simple, easy to overlook or brush away, and yet...there's a wealth of value under the surface. In terms of journaling or inner self-exploration, conversation starters open new doors to understanding who you are and why. When used in conversation as intended (assuming there is adequate effort employed), simple ice-breakers are a fascinating way to foster connection, glean wisdom, and find healing.

For example, I was absolutely delighted to overhear this forgotten gem at my church's women's conference this weekend:

• "Imagine you're hosting a dinner party. You are only allowed to have five guests - but they can be any person, alive or dead, from any period of time. Who would you invite, and why?"

It got me thinking. I've been struggling quite a bit lately with motivation and self-doubt; I have complex PTSD, and while 2024 has been a fabulous year of growth and inspiration, I've pushed myself hard, and I was overdue for a period of emotional fatigue and physical burnout. The conference made it obvious that the time is now, so after the conference ended, I took yesterday afternoon to rest not only my body, but also my over-worked spirit, and just let my mind wander. (I had accidentally eaten something allergen-contaminated, and several Benadryl tablets may have played a part in this next bit.)

What if I were able to host that kind of dinner party? Who would I invite? Perhaps more importantly, what am I hungry for right now, in terms of conversational input and the kind of soul food you only get from deep and intimate conversation with like-minded company?

So, in keeping with my taking space to rest and recharge, I'm skipping my weekly Ta-Da list in favor of sharing my guest list:

Now, onto the writing update. Honestly, this wasn't my most productive week. Between a series of doctor’s appointments, a minor emergency at my daughter’s school, and preparations for the women’s conference at our church this past weekend, I’ve barely had time to think, let alone sit down and write.

I know these things are part of life, and nothing goes smoothly all the time. But as a writer who loves almost nothing more than those moments of blissful creativity...I'm so frustrated I could scream.

I keep telling myself to be graceful, to be patient. That it’s okay. That some weeks are slower than others, and that life happens. Instead of beating myself up over it, I’m trying to embrace the idea that downtime is a necessary part of the process. Rest is just as important as productivity, and the value of what we offer the world is directly related to how healthy we are when we offer it.

So, while the words didn’t flow this week, I’m okay with that. I’m using the time to recharge, letting inspiration brew and bubble up, and reminding myself that creative energy is like the tide - if it goes out, it'll come back in. While I'm waiting I'm gonna take my medicine, get some rest, firm up my boundaries, and try to...

The Revolutionary Self-Love of Seeing My Parents As People, Not Perpetrators

I saw a Facebook post about the need to forgive parents for the traumas they caused their children. It hit me hard, both as an adult from a traumatic childhood and as a mother who could never imagine raising children the way my parents raised me. It has lingered in the back of my mind; so, since the topic hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw it, I wanted to preserve it here, with a snippet of my own journey through healing parental trauma.

Learning to see my parents as people—allowing them to transition from partial perpetrators of my trauma to traumatized people in their own right—was a long, difficult process. Each new revelation of my childhood held me down and shoved me backward even as character development and maturity adjusted my outlook, allowing me to keep going.

My parents were truly horrible; they were neglectful, dishonest, resentful, emotionally unavailable. They divorced, then married partners who were violent and mentally unstable. Instead of protecting me (and my siblings), they allowed us to see and experience things no child ever should. They put themselves first in everything, even when they could’ve done better.

For years, I thought it was just me, just a grown kid seeing things through a self-centered, perhaps naive lens. But then I found myself sitting in trauma therapy, recounting my story. I’ll never forget the expression on my therapist's face; she sat back in her chair, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. All she could say was, “Oh, wow.” She was a trauma specialist. And I had enough to surprise her. To be honest, that surprised me.

But being heard changed everything. It wasn’t just validation; it was the beginning of letting go of anger and emotional pain. It was a step toward healing I didn't even hope was possible anymore, and in that healing, I found grace to look at my parents in new ways. Not just parent to child, but human to human, and the more I learned about where they came from and explored the traumas they experienced, the more I felt sorry for them. They didn’t have it as bad as I did, but they had their own pain—and they lived in a different time, one with very little space for healing or acceptance of the search for mental wellness.

They never had the tools to break free of those emotional chains, or the capacity to see how their pain poured over my brothers and I like poison. Understanding didn’t erase what they did, but it gave me compassion—not just for them, but for myself. That wild anger? That bitter, clinging resentment? Symptoms of a trauma cycle that began long before my brothers and I were born. And I decided it would stop with me.

As a mother, this has a much deeper meaning; every moment of my life, I'm stretching against the internal pressure, armored up and fighting to give my children a better life than I had. One where we talk openly about trauma and mental wellness, not because it's some badge of honor, but because you can't clean up a mess in the dark. I want my daughters to feel safe, seen, and supported. To know they're not alone in their struggles. I want to protect them from the things I experienced, and I want them to understand that it's okay to be vulnerable, because healing starts with acknowledgment.

I won’t pretend I’ve always succeeded. I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve had moments where my past crept into my parenting. But I’ve been honest with my daughters about my challenges; I’ve shared my story, not to seek pity or attention but to plant the seeds of a better cycle, where emotional wellness and understanding take precedence over silence and shame.

It's more than forgiving my parents for the mess they made of my past. It’s taking responsibility for my present, and being intentional about how I shape the future for my children. It’s about breaking the cycle of trauma and creating a new legacy—one where love, compassion, and openness are the foundation. The cycle stops here. Not just for me, but for the next generation.

This week was a bit of a draw on the writing front. I hate that I didn't finish SFFF Chapter 17, but I loved playing around with a transcript for the upcoming trial in the final chapters of this novel. Given my personal background, I'm sure it's no surprise that my favorite go-to binge-watch is Law& Order: SVU, but watching TV (or reading fiction) is only the upper crust of what really goes down in a courtroom.

Part of why I didn't hit my writing goal this week (finishing that chapter) is that I spent some time digging into the real-life laws that govern cases like the one portrayed in the Freedom Series, which helped me dig deeper into Christine's mind and heart. I feel more ready to tackle the weight of writing this portion of the story now, armed with realism and the emotional depth Christine deserves. I'm so ready to see this in reader's hands!

In the meantime, we're twenty-nine weeks away from the release of the second-edition FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM! I hope to have everything set up for pre-orders by the end of this month, I'm brainstorming ideas for a release-day event, and if I ever find a spare moment, I'd love to design some merch. If I can get it all done, what would y'all like to see?

Feel free to drop your suggestions in the comments, and until next week's update...

Beautiful Uncertainty: Finding Strength in the Unknown

Y'all, this week was rough. I was on the third (or fourth?) straight week of SFFF Chapter 16, and beginning to feel the pressure of the schedule I've set for myself. The thing is, the schedule isn't the problem; it's perfectly doable, even for a single mom with complex PTSD. The real problem is that sometimes, pesky life stuff just gets in the way, and I get overwhelmed just like anybody else.

So I had to tweak it a little. I spent more time resting when I needed to. It's important to me to show up as a writer, because dreams don't chase themselves...but it's also important to me to show up as a mom, as a Christian, and as my own best friend. When I "should have" been writing or "could have" been cleaning the house, instead I made a point not to kick myself while I binge-watched Law & Order: SVU. Even on the hardest days, I have tons to be grateful for, and minding my perspective made a huge difference toward keeping that time restful and refreshing.

And hey, I guess it paid off, because a load of great things happened this week:

I'm proud to say I've finally finished SFFF Chapter 16, which means we're only six chapters away from the end of STILL FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM! Those first fifteen chapters have been through the first round of proofing and editing, and they're currently gathered together in the main novel file, awaiting completion of the book - after which, we begin the next round of edits. Crazy bit of random trivia? That file is weighing it at just under ninety-four thousand words!

We're thirty weeks away from the release of the second edition FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM, and I'm planning to spend part of the coming week ironing out some kinks in the pre-order process. In the meantime, feel free to check out (and maybe share?) this TikTok, which includes the gorgeous FFF book cover and a little write-up of what new readers can expect from this first part of Christine's journey as she learns to...

Q4 2024: Setting Intentional Goals

This week was just as busy as the last few have been, but for different reasons. My oldest daughter spent a few nights with us early in the week, which was great because we had some time to catch up and chat a little, even if she is a beautiful little distraction. After that, the youngest daughter and I both came down with a bug that sidelined us for a couple of days; we even missed church on Wednesday night, but the rest did us both some good. We spent a little time laying around, healing and rehydrating, and by the time we were better it was Friday, which I had set aside for a shopping date with my spiritual mom.

I did get some writing time squeezed in, but first...

I've been thinking a lot this week about my goals as a writer, and some of my downtime was spent working on making those goals a little more concrete. So while I was stuck in bed, I examined my platform numbers, book sale stats, and current progress and trajectory, then turned that information into goals for the rest of the year.

Those of you who have been with me for a while might remember a few years ago, when I used to share my quarterly goals for growth, both in my writing life and my personal life. The problem with those goals (and the reason I eventually stopped posting them) was that I had a habit of expecting way too much from myself, so I'm keeping it simple this time around and limiting myself to five goals for the upcoming fourth quarter of the year.

If you'd like to see how my goals play out for this quarter, make sure you follow me on Instagram; I'll be checking off goals as they're accomplished, and will update and share the above image to my stories!

We're now thirty-one weeks away from the release of the second edition FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM, and while the writing and editing are pretty much complete, I'm still waiting for feedback from one beta reader before sending this book to the last person who will see it before the files are totally finalized. There are a few kinks to work out with one of my distributors as well, and I hope to have that settled in time to set up an option to preorder the book; if it all works out the way I want it to, there will be a little discount for those who pick the book up before release day.

This was my third week in a row working on chapter 16 of STILL FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM, but I finally love how it's looking and I'm looking forward to finishing this chapter and digging into the next part of the story. Malachi Matthews is long overdue for some justice, and I'm excited to see Christine grow through the rest of this book as she finally comes face-to-face with the husband who abused her.

Six chapters to go, and then that's a wrap on Christine's story!

As I work toward finishing this chapter, this book, and this year, I would also love to hear from you. What goals or dreams are you working toward? Share your thoughts in the comments below, and until next week...

Balancing Act: Behind the Scenes of a Single Mom Building A Career

Wow, y'all. The last few weeks in my life have been hectic. If you've followed me or my content for long, you know I'm a single mom - and the effort to manage the work-life balance between parenting and career isn't always easy, which is why I put so much focus on personal growth and self-care tips.

I love when life is easy and the balance all but maintains itself, and I love when life things are quiet enough to allow me to focus on writing, but it just doesn't always work that way and this past few weeks, I have to say...well, life took over. My youngest daughter and I had a simultaneous storm of doctor's appointments, my spiritual dad had open-heart surgery, one of my mentors had a foot surgery, a friend of mine had a personal issue she needed support and advocacy through, and we had a minor family accident that resulted in emergency surgery. Oh, and one of my bonus babies got married! 

But wait...

• "What's a bonus baby?"
• "Is that like, a step-kid or something?"

So, storytime: when my family first started with our church, it didn't take long before I felt led to step into leading a student group - and I was putting up some powerful resistance. Like, "No way, God. You got the wrong girl. I literally can't even."

But God doesn't really argue, he just keeps nudging. For a whole year, my oldest daughter called me Jonah because she just thought I wasn't bold enough or interested enough to step up - which I guess is fair, since I don't generally like or relate to kids. You know, they're all mess and snot and slang and stinky armpits...I'm not a fan. But it all finally came out one day when I told my daughter it's not really a Jonah thing, it's a Moses thing. Spiritual leadership is a huge responsibility, and my truckload of mom-guilt testifies pretty loudly about my lack of qualifications.

Kind of like Moses standing in front of the burning bush trying to tell God he couldn't go speak to Pharaoh. But that story ended with God throwing up his proverbial hands in frustration and saying, "Fine, you sissy. Take your brother."

Not exactly, but whatever, you get the point.

So over the course of that push year with God, he didn't send my brother, but he filled my life with kids. My daughter brought all her friends home. They rode in my car, slept in my house, ate all my groceries. Once they were driving, they'd show up at all hours. And I fell in love with them. With their perspectives and the ways they bloomed right in front of me, leaving childhoods behind to embrace adulting with all the worry and the insecurity and yes, the varying levels of success.

One of them used to sneak into my room at night while my daughter was sleeping, and she'd lay in my bed and whisper stories of her childhood, tales of her experiences. She'd confess her thoughts in the dark, her little face close on the pillow next to mine. And then, when she'd unloaded her heart, she'd say, "Okay, I'm gonna go to bed now," and she'd make her way back to my daughter's room for the night.

Last weekend she got married. I cried all day long, in fits and starts. I cried as she panicked because she thought she was taking too long to get ready. I cried when she was laced into her wedding gown. When she got her hair curled and her make-up done. When she stepped into the church doorway in her finery and I watched her new husband fight for control of his emotions.

Actually, I ended up being so busy just being there, I hardly took any photos!

But since life is all about rolling with the punches and I tell people all the time to give themselves grace, here's a little of the grace I'm giving myself these days. I'm not as caught up as I'd like to be, but I'm happier than I've been in years, and there's still amazing progress happening on all fronts.

STILL FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM is coming along a little slower than I had hoped, but it's coming. Chapter sixteen is nearly finished, which means there are only a few chapters left before this book is ready for editing!

We're thirty-two weeks away from the second edition release of FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM, and I've been busily creating promotional materials to use in the lead-up to release day. There's a book trailer, a little promo reel, some graphics for sharing and/or printing...and here I am sitting on all of them because it's too early to let them go. Let me tell y'all, this is an absolute exercise in patience for me, but I hope it'll all be worth it when this book goes into the hands of readers who need the hope in Christine's story.

In the meantime, I sat in with a local book club this week to talk about another of my books, which was an absolute blast! I had the chance to answer questions about the characters, the motivation behind the story, what it was like to write that story, and the personal parts of myself that were included in it. The ladies of the book club chose another novel of mine for their February read, and when they invited me back to talk about that one too, it got me thinking about next year...

What do y'all think about a release party of some kind for when FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM goes live? I'd love to do something local, but I also thought about doing some kind of online event - and if I did, what would you like to see included? Feel free to leave suggestions in the comments!

And now I'm off to work on that unfinished chapter. Until next week...