Your Journey Matters: How Comparison Undermines Happiness

We've all done it. We've all had days where we sacrificed joy on the altar of comparison, times where we gave up the grace of the moment in favor of beating ourselves up for the places we haven't been, the things we haven't done, the clothes we don't have. The accomplishments we can't check off.

We like to blame it on social media - we pretend that with the world at our fingertips and our phones filled with the highlight reels of the apparently successful, the effects of comparison are inescapable. We make TikToks (and write blog posts) about how social media makes us miserable; we study mindfulness, self-care, and CBT techniques like we're back in high school and we know it'll be on the final exam.

Before that, we blamed it on advertising and Hollywood - we pretended that living in a consumerist world plastered with billboards and magazine ads and TV commercials slowly diluted the world's joy with an influx of impossible standards. But the fact is, none of this is new. History shows us comparison at every level, from fashion to business and intelligence to warfare. Humans have been collectively competing and comparing themselves with each other since the beginning of time.

So, if comparison is the thief of joy, then how do we stop it? If it's on our billboards when we drive to work, the sales prices of things we wish we could have, the social media feeds we scroll for endless hours, the closets or homes of the rich and famous, and even the report cards of the kids next to ours in school...is it truly inescapable?

Thankfully, the answer is yes. We overcome comparison issues by first understanding why toxic comparison affects happiness, and then by finding joy in a more centrally secure way, through personal contentment born of true confidence.

STEP ONE: UNDERSTANDING

When we compare ourselves to others, we foster feelings of envy and inadequacy. We trigger self-doubt, impatience, and frustration:

• "Why can't I do this faster?"
• "Why can't I do it as well as they can?"
• "What do they have that I don't?"
• "I'm not where they are - I must not be as good or smart or talented as them."

We allow these things to slip into our thoughts and then we hold onto them, certain that if we just tried harder, studied more, did more, gave more...then we could catch up. We could keep up.

And in that desperate effort to claim some ever-changing sense of victory over comparison, we lose sight of our own accomplishments, our own fulfillment. We lose appreciation for the power of our own unique journey through this life. We self-sabotage, often without meaning to or even being aware of it.

Sometimes comparison can be a good thing too, though, because we can use it to inspire growth in ourselves, to push ourselves to try something we might otherwise be too insecure to attempt. And I think that's the secret - to remember that any tool, whether it's a hammer, a fork, or your Instagram feed, is only as good or as bad for you as you allow it to be. The secret is accountability, because in holding ourselves accountable, celebrating our wins, and treating ourselves with compassion, we learn to appreciate our own progress without the same need for external validation.

STEP TWO: CONTENTMENT

There's nothing wrong with setting healthy goals or wanting more out of life - rest is important but in general, we're either growing or stagnant. The key here is to grow at your own pace, allowing yourself the grace to pause when needed and celebrate milestones as they occur. Your goals should be important to you, reflective of your morals and values, and not driven by the external needs or desires of others. They're YOUR goals, so they should be about YOU.

Take time to be grateful, too. It's easy to think we don't have enough, didn't do enough, haven't made it far enough fast enough, but making the effort to recognize the blessings in our lives reminds us of what we hold dear and where we feel accomplished.

Embrace the imperfections that make you who are. Whether it's your appearance, your career status, or the harmless little quirks in your personality, understand that if you're not dead you're not done. None of us are perfect, none of us know everything, and we've all dropped the ball before. Life is an adventure meant to be enjoyed, full of beautiful scenery enriched by the mark we leave on it...and metamorphosis doesn't happen overnight.

So give yourself patience, friends. Give yourself permission to be who you are, even as you seek inspiration and growth. But above all, rise to each new challenge as it comes with confidence, and as always...