Balancing Care: Serving Others Without Sacrificing Yourself

This is, at its core, an author blog, so it's no surprise that I've shared a lot about my writing and what it means to me: both the value of feeling gifted at something and the desire to use that gift for good. I've even shared a little about how I balance my non-Christian writing with my Christian faith, and how I often think of writing almost as a ministry.

What brings it together for me is connecting my writing to my healing journey and life after trauma, regardless of what I'm writing or who I'm writing it for. In fiction, I create stories about people navigating life's hardest challenges - toxic relationships, drastic life changes, deep personal losses. But my focus is rarely the external; instead, I explore the internal, the mind-set shift. What hurts them? What heals them? What moves them? How do their experiences and relationships foster love, connection, and growth?

The focus is the same when I'm creating content too, whether it's here on the blog or out on the wider-reaching spread of social media - which is probably part of why I love that opening quote so much: "Be there for others, but never leave yourself behind."

Being present for the people we love can be hard, especially if we're overly burdened, chronically busy, or struggling to find balance...but regardless of our faith or beliefs (or lack of them) love moves us to new levels of generous compassion. We feel compelled to show with action what we feel so deeply in the hidden spaces of our hearts. So this past week, I had the chance to put Dodinsky to the test.

I went into last week overwhelmed, with too much to do, too many things to juggle, and not enough time each day to check the boxes or meet the demands. My daughters and I were scheduled to housesit for family through the end of the week, and on top of the daily grind, I needed to handle all the packing, organizing, and planning to keep things running as smoothly as possible. Daily chaos had my internal volume on blast, and y'all, my plate was full.

But here's the thing: instead of stressing about getting it all done perfectly, I focused on gratitude and adjusted my expectations. I painted the whole thing as a staycation, planning treat dinners and a movie night as well as scheduling the writing tasks I needed to get done. I made a point to give myself grace. No one can accomplish everything, and perfection isn't possible; it's okay to give your best, recognize the joy in that, and let go of the rest.

Here's a snapshot of how that shift in perspective made even the busiest day of the week meaningful:

• Wednesday Stressed: Get up early, take my youngest to school. Simultaneously squeeze in a full writing day, a full shopping/planning day with my spiritual mom, and a full cleaning/packing/organizing day - with only half the usual time available. Pick up my youngest from school, pick up my oldest for work, grab dinner on the run while juggling multiple food allergies, and get to church on time to lead my student small group. (Bonus: Do all this while managing chronic fatigue, pain, and anxiety. Also I was sick.) Then get to the house, let out the dog, let in the dog, feed the dog, get the youngest to bed, shower, etc.
• Wednesday Blessed: Getting up early helped me make the most of the day - and since my youngest was out of the house, I could stay focused on the tasks at hand. Quality time with my spiritual mom gave me an emotional boost that pushed me through the tasks I needed to complete at home - and while I didn't get every box checked, I did get everything packed and loaded, dinner worked out, and we made it to the church right on time. My small group of ninth-grade girls brought their usual sweetness to the evening, and when we arrived for our little housesitting gig, we were greeted by a lovable, cuddly dog and a chatty, snuggly cat. We unloaded the car as a team, settled into the house, and I ended the night laughing with my oldest daughter over a game of HeadsUp. (Bonus: Fatigue and pain were manageable with meds and caffeine, I was too busy for anxiety, and I was too focused to worry about being sick.)

It could all have been stressful and hectic and filled with irritation. It could have been bickering and jostling and chaos - and while there were moments of crazy, overall the week was a wild success. Mindful perspective and careful management of expectations got us through the week, and my daughters and I created fun new memories together. Another bonus: this week gave me practical moments to teach my youngest daughter how showing up for others doesn't have to mean sacrificing ourselves.

Not only was this a great way for our family to serve people we dearly love in ways that were meaningful to them, but those staycation days were a much-needed change of pace and atmosphere for us. By Saturday afternoon, my oldest daughter had gone back home, my youngest daughter was rested and happy, I had finished almost everything in my writing planner, and my spiritual parents returned to a (mostly) clean and well-watched home.

It's important to be there for the people you love, to show up when it counts. But it's just as important to be show up for yourself - and it's okay if that means adjusting your expectations and setting boundaries, giving yourself grace, or actively seeking small joys in the middle of chaos. It turns out Dodinsky was onto something; all it takes is a little mindful intentionality, a desire to find balance, and the will to...

Ahem. Pardon me for a moment, while I share a little post-script update:

Writing is still coming along and we're right on schedule! STILL FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM's chapter 16 has been semi-finalized, chapter 17 is with the genius in charge of proofing and round-one edits, and chapter 18 is about three-quarters finished. And in case you didn't know, the expanded second edition of FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM is now available for preorder - make sure you grab your copy while it's still $2.99!