Setback, or Giant Leap Forward: Perspective

This week there's no new graphic to celebrate. No chapter countdown to continue. This is partly because of the holidays gearing up (check my Instagram highlights for a couple of little sneak peeks into what that has looked like so far), and partly because I've been extra exhausted this week due to a little illness I didn't recognize until it hit me with a vengeance late Friday night.

I'm better now, but let's get to the perspective part of this post - lest you should think that I've had a terrible week. I haven't.

Reading through and beefing up the story for the second edition of FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM has been an incredible experience so far, and has really highlighted for me the different ways I've grown as a writer, even during the few years where I had to take a break. I've been able to enrich the dialogue, open scenes up in ways that made them more immersive, expand on the emotion and depth of feeling that cannot be overlooked in a story like this one.

You see, when I first wrote FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM back in 2013, I did it largely from second-hand experience. I knew intimately what domestic abuse looked like, because I had seen it in every variety, in many different combinations, bleeding pain through the lives of people I loved as early as my childhood. This was a monster I knew, because I lived with it, heard the echoes of it in my memory. I wasn't diagnosed until much later in life, but I had the beginnings of complex PTSD almost right from the start - my first memory (sometime around three years old) is actually dissociated. But I had only personally experienced a few small instances myself, from a romantic standpoint. By 2013, I had gotten glimpses, though, of physical abuse, sexual abuse, manipulation and gaslighting, and financial abuse.

I can say that now, but back then I don't know if I would have called most of it what it was. I'm not sure I was in a place to truly recognize it yet. Now, as I'm working through this novel again a decade later, I've unfortunately run through the entire gamut of domestic abuse, and I feel like I can write it with more wisdom and experience to draw from. Unfortunate, perhaps, but hey, they say to "write what you know," right?

Anyway, part of enriching this story has been looking for things that weren't handled well, and while mostly there hasn't been much of that, I can say that I didn't give Christine proper justice the first time around in terms of representation of the legal and courtroom aspects of what "walking away" means for victims/survivors of domestic abuse. We all know, at least on some level, that it really isn't that easy - most abused women feel isolated, blamed, ashamed, afraid, and then to top it off, they often lack the resources to actually start over even if they do have the emotional stability to try. And that's all before you factor in the possibility of children caught in the mix.

Fortunately, the character of Christine Matthews does not have children, but the abuse in her marriage was especially horrific (much of it modeled after what I grew up watching my mother suffer through in her second marriage), and the story begins with a horribly battered woman on the brink of death with literally no avenue of escape. No job history, no money of her own, no vehicle, and the overwhelming threat of vengeance from her husband for even the smallest of transgressions.

This past week, I met with a generous Assistant District Attorney from the local Attorney General's office, who serves my community tirelessly in seeking justice for real-life women like Christine. We spoke for well over an hour, and he allowed me to pick his brain on many aspects of Christine's story, working through the likely possibilities connected to what charges Christine's husband would be facing, what the court proceedings would look like, and the best likely timeline attached to a trial seeking to prosecute a case like the one I've written. I was encouraged as I explained the story and the goals I've set for it; there were so many similarities between this work of fiction and the stories of real-life victims who "walk away" but then spend months trapped in the legal process of seeking justice and advocating for their own safety.

Which brings me to why our graphic isn't changing this week. I've made some progress still writing through chapter seventeen - but I've also gone back and spent time reading through the novel as it stands so far, adding new bits, changing things, and adjusting timelines to better fit the process real-life survivors go through in the attempt to break away from abusive relationships. I'm currently reading through chapter six, and I'm grateful to report that, while I have never been less than proud of this project, this novel is continuing to grow and develop in ways I can't wait to share with the world. The ADA has graciously offered to continue coaching me through the legal process, inviting me to keep in touch with further questions should they come up, and I'm excited to say that with the timeline I'm now working from, the second novel in this series, STILL FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM, will follow Christine through the challenges of rebuilding her life while facing her violent husband across the courtroom.

So sure, it's a setback. No new finished chapter, no new fancy progress graphic. But it's also a giant leap forward in terms of progressing the honesty and power of this novel through the realism I have always hoped it would offer.

Something else I'm grateful for? The patience of readers who have waited so very long to see the rest of this story, every reader who will ever hold a copy of this hard-won and heart-felt work, and the encouragement of the people in my personal life who dedicate their time and energy to supporting me, even when writing such a difficult story triggers my own memories and traumatic processes (or theirs).

Want to keep up with me in other ways in between writing sessions? Follow me on social media! I'm sharing life lessons and thoughts on Undaunted Living almost every day on Facebook, Twitter/X, and Instagram. Feel free to pop in on whichever platform you like best - and leave a comment or tweet me to let me know you're there!

I've also been thinking of writing an FAQ series, so feel free to leave those questions in the comments here or on social media, too.

And now, back to reading.