I Wonder What Would Happen If...

 "...you say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out honestly..."

Last week I posted another poll, asking you guys what you'd like to see here going forward. Obviously, book updates will still be included at the end of every post to recap the week's progress, but a few people have suggested making a point to include more about who I am and what I'm into. With that in mind, I spent a few weeks wondering if people would be interested in more varied content here, and I've tested this in some ways - but sharing the poll was about getting real answers from real readers who took the time to participate. I guess the results are pretty obvious:

With this vote being so clear on the desire for more varied content here but somewhat less clear (wow, that tie, right?) on how often that's wanted, I'm playing the role of tie-breaker this week: going forward, I'll be posting a little more lifestyle content each week, with a bit at the end of each post to update interested readers on my current project and how my writing is coming along.

With that in mind, I thought this week I'd share one of my favorite ways to take some of the pressure out of daily life. Life is hard for all of us, but as a disabled single mom with CPTSD, I have some unique challenges. My kids are both total extroverts and I'm pretty outgoing too, but I still tend toward extreme introversion. This is partly natural tendency, but it's also a CPTSD coping mechanism. I like things quiet to prevent and cope with anxiety, and as I get older I'm increasingly fierce in my desire to protect my boundaries and my peace. The trouble is, I also put a lot of pressure on myself - part natural desire for productivity and part trauma response, I struggle with spending my time productively without burning out or pushing too far. It's hard for me to rest without sending myself into a mental spiral because I feel like I'm "wasting" time or being "lazy," so one of the things I'm still working to improve in my life is burnout and over-scheduling.

Lately, I've been clearing things from my plate, finishing little things without starting new ones right away, and simplifying the schedule I run my life on. This frees time for more conscious effort to reach out to the people I care for, solidifying bonds in my friendships, strengthening the support network my circle relies on, and opening doors for new opportunities.

I'm also keeping more white space in my planner, but like I said before, sometimes this spirals into feelings of unproductivity or laziness - so to prevent this, I'm focusing more on celebrating the wins. Like most people, I can be my own worst critic, and I honestly believe anyone who thinks I'm kind and compassionate would be shocked if they could hear the terrible things I can say to myself in my mind. So I'm working on being a better friend to me, which means spending a little time at the end of each day thinking about the good things. What did I accomplish today? What am I proud of today? Rather than focusing hard on where I dropped the ball or got something wrong, I'm encouraging and affirming myself by keeping my eye on what I got right.

But I also tend to slip up in my practice of these habits so accountability is key, which is why I'm sharing my wins for the week here. Sometimes, they'll be major things, like publishing a book or completing some other project - other times, they'll be a reflection of where I'm struggling. Either way, they'll be here, and I hope they encourage you to look a little harder for chances to celebrate your own wins.

STILL FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM is still coming along right on pace! As mentioned in the graphic above chapter 03 is finished and sent off to my proofreader, and chapter 04 will hopefully be sent off today after church. Sidebar graphics are stalled for the moment as my proofreader has been a little busy this week, but rest assured, Christine's story is growing and progressing beautifully! I know I've said it before, but I'm still so proud of this story; I can hardly wait to share it with the world!

But first, I should do my hair for church. See you next week!

*song lyric from "Brave," Sarah Bareilles

I Am Brave, I Am Bruised...

 "...I am who I'm meant to be; this is me. Look out 'cause here I come, I'm marching on to the beat I drum; I'm not scared to be seen..."

This past week has been exhausting, and I'm not even sure why. It was a great week, productivity-wise, but I'm tired. Maybe it's just the stress of life happening behind the scenes, maybe it's a flare-up of Complex PTSD...I don't know.

What I do know is that I'm pushing through on the strength of restorative naps, an influx of bubble baths, and the discipline of using my planner to at least mostly keep myself on track. Decluttering my home space has been at a crawl as I spend my spare moments decluttering my mind and heart instead, and I've renewed my practice of keeping a running "ta-da!" list. Sometimes the list of things I want to do gets overrun by the list of reasons I can't accomplish certain things on my own or don't have time or run out of energy (or I forgot to do the thing in the first place), but the "ta-da!" list keeps me encouraged and motivated.

Big things on the "ta-da!" list this week:

• I did actually do a little of the decluttering, which I'm proud of. Still amazed by the depth of my purse collection, but at least there are less of them now, and I pared it down to only the ones I truly can't let go of. (We won't talk about how many are still living in my house, or the extensive collection of junk I found while going through them. We also will not discuss the state my nightstand was in yesterday when I cleaned it off.)
• I managed to carve out some time (and simultaneously, dig up a little burst of energy) to go walking in the park yesterday with my youngest daughter. It was a beautiful day; not too hot or cold, not too sunny or cloudy, not too breezy or too still. While she chatted with a friend who met us there, I chose a shady spot by a stream and had the blessing of watching a squirrel come down for a drink. After, he surprised me by politely finding a leaf in the grass on which to wipe his face. It still makes me smile.
• I picked up a mint plant at a nursery about three weeks ago, and it's flourishing. It's still pretty small so we're not fully enjoying the benefits of it just yet, but I've been pruning it weekly to encourage bushy growth, and this week we finally had enough leaves at one time for the youngest and I to have full cups of peppermint tea. It was delicious.
• The second chapter of STILL FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM is now complete and has been added to the main file, where it will await the editing process. I'm hoping to finish the third chapter today (which will be proofread, then audio proofread before sending to my actual proofreader, which is why my progress graphics often display multiple chapters in progress at once) and I am absolutely in love with the way Christine is growing through this second part of the story. The way she's settled into herself and less afraid of the future is beautiful, and in my wildest dreams, I hope she inspires other women to stand up for themselves even when it can be scary.

Those of you who follow my social media accounts will know how much I love the wisdom of people who lived and learned enough to share with others. Every day on social media (except Saturdays because it's the Sabbath), I share a quote that inspires me, along with a little bit of why I chose it or how I relate to it - but recently I've had a few people ask me about more long-form content with life hacks for mental wellness and more of my personal story, which is cool because I'd really like to explore those topics on deeper levels here. So once again, I'm asking for feedback.

I'd really love for this space to become a community of people who feel like they have some say, so check out the form below and tell me what you'd like to see here!

(This poll ended Saturday, May 04, 2024. The above image reflects the results.)

*song lyric from "This Is Me," Keala Settle & The Greatest Showman Ensemble

It's A Square Peg Life In A Round Hole Town

"...but it all couldn't be any sweeter. You may be upside-backwards and wrong side down, but it just couldn't feel more completer..."

We're gonna have to ignore the grammar in this week's lyric because I just found this song today and it's fabulous and I love how this particular lyric fits my world so well these days.

I've been a Christian for a long time, but I've also been a writer for a long time, and recently I've been encountering a pretty solid half & half mix between people who love my writing journey (complete with service and ministry goals) and people who are almost utterly scandalized by the fact that I write secular fiction for adults only. It's a strange dichotomy, but on average, it looks like this:

1. Person discovers I'm a writer, get's curious. They often ask, "So, what do you write?" The general answer these days is, "I write upmarket women's fiction." After which, I explain a little of what that means, because most average people (even readers) don't always know what genres really mean beyond generalizations. This usually leads to a short exploration of what is "chick lit" and what is not, what are the merits of "chick lit," and why my books can fit there but don't necessarily belong there.
2. Now curious, the person will generally ask if my writing is appropriate for younger readers, to which, the answer is always no. Beyond the question of sexual activity and how graphic it may or may not be from novel to novel, my novels explore deep content and often feature a woman in the midst of some deep emotional trauma or growth process. The stories follow the heroines as they grow and heal - but yes, women love love, so there is usually some romance thrown in. And where romance is present, sex is often present as well.
3. This is usually where most people give some kind of hand flutter and say something like, "But they're married right? When they have the sex?" (Because extra-marital sex is not biblical, and as previously mentioned, I am a Christian.) This question is rarely intended to be judgmental, though, and has often led to really powerful conversations exploring faith, ministry, and yes, relationships. These are some of my favorite conversations to have about my writing, my process, my goals, and what I want my stories to accomplish in the hearts and minds of readers. But when that doesn't go well...
4. The now scandalized person will almost always ask some version of, "How could you write that as a Christian?" The fun thing is seeing the looks on people's faces when I say, "Well, the characters aren't Christians so it would be really unfair if I expected them to act like they are, just because I am." There's almost always a good turn to the conversation, and every now and then I get to see the person I'm talking to suddenly understand in a new way - but not always.

The thing is, those "square peg" conversations, held in the midst of my "round hole town," really highlight for me how different I am from the people around me. Sometimes, this shows me where I need to grow or learn or adapt - but other times it shows me how well-placed I am with this writing thing, not because I'm some kind of expert on anything, but because I care enough to reach into a dirty, nasty, deeply flawed and often hurting world to try to offer something good. Some hope, some compassion, some understanding. A shot at growth, a reminder that where you are doesn't dictate where you must stay. In so many areas of my life, I am upside-backwards and wrong side down...but it just couldn't feel more...completer.

So I guess I'd better get back to it! Other updates:

• Chapter one of STILL FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM is complete and was well-loved by my first beta reader.
• The second chapter is nearly ready to land in the hands of my favorite right hand grammar nazi.
• I'll be sitting in on a real-life domestic abuse trial next month. This trial will hopefully award appropriate justice to the survivor in questions, and will also serve as research for coming chapters in STILL FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM. In this second novel, the trial against Christine's husband comes into play, and it's important to me to portray this process as accurately as possible.
• The last current beta-reader is loving the second edition, expanded and revised version of FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM (coming May 2025), and I'm literally counting down to publishing day (382 days, but every one of them is worth it)!

If you want to keep up with what's happening or want a sneak peek at what's coming next, make sure you check the graphics in the sidebar, and if you're looking to interact, drop a comment below or feel free to come hang out on social media. See you next week!

*song lyric from "Couldn't Be Better," Kelly Clarkson

So Here's The Plan...Part II

With the completion of the rewriting (and editing, and more editing, and then some more editing) of the second edition of FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM, I thought it would be a good idea to get some feedback on my original plan, so in last week's post I set up a poll asking my readers for advice. Two options:

• follow the original plan, which was strong but would have taken ages before any of the 13 books in the plan made it to publication.
• adapt the plan with shorter wait times and set a schedule I can keep up with that doesn't require readers to wait as long for publications to begin.

Honestly, I would have been happy with either answer. I loved my original back-to-publishing plan because it gave me plenty of time to focus on writing - what I didn't love was the wait time. I'm a work in progress and patience is not my strongest character trait, but from a marketing standpoint, I also worried about the patience of readers who have been loyal since the beginning of my writing journey. FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM took seven months to revamp, and this was a 13-book plan. With an estimated 7-9 months allowed for writing or re-writing each book, that would have meant a total of 91-117 months before I got the chance to publish anything new. At most, that's almost 10 years - and I've already gone almost that long without publishing due to various health problems and life circumstances.

What I love about the shorter plan is that I can still set a long schedule that gives me time to (hopefully) keep up, but it takes an enormous chunk out of the wait time for readers while still offering a bit of predictability. So with that said, here's how the vote went:

With the results of the vote, I took some time this week between writing sessions to calculate a timeline I think I can still keep up with, first giving myself the rest of this year to keep writing and then leaving 10 months between expected due dates of new releases. I think this is a great middle ground that gives me space to keep up but also allows my readers to know when to expect new releases from me. So with that thought in mind, here's what's coming next for the 13 books in the adapted plan:

This new plan will still complete all three of my open series; it includes 2nd editions of all of my previously published novels as well as the new ones needed, goes one series at a time, and also includes an expanded 2nd edition of my poetry compilation - but that's an awful lot of planning to keep up with (even with a head start and 10 months between releases) so I'd better get back to it! What do you think about the new plan? Which book are you most looking forward to seeing? Drop your thoughts in the comments!

So, Here's The Plan...Part 2a

In the first iteration of my back-to-publishing plan, I had a serious long-term goal in mind. First up, I planned to go through the entire backlog of my books and write extended second edition versions, while also writing the books needed to complete all three of my currently open (or unfinished, depending on how much I'm kicking myself on any given day) series. This would basically mean writing twelve novels and doubling the length of my poetry compilation, and holding all of those books back from publication until they're all finished. There were two major logic points behind this:

1. This would give me time to build momentum on my social platforms, so that when I release new writing, people are actually there to hear me announce it. Nearly ten years of not publishing left my social platforms pretty quiet, and I wanted to know that when I was ready to push a new book out, someone would read it.
2. I could eliminate confusion for readers during the process. People wouldn't have to wonder which book is the best one to get because there would be a clear delineation, including pulling the first editions from the market and retiring them. My writing skill and style have both adapted and grown over this quiet period, and I didn't want readers picking up incorrect editions by accident.

This started out as a very long-term plan, with me writing all the books while building momentum, and then releasing them one by one on an accelerated timed schedule that would eventually settle on a 10-12 month regularity readers could count on (and I could keep up with) going forward.

But the thing is, now that I've finished the second edition of FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM, I'm impatient. Patience was never my strongest gift, and while I still like the logic behind my original plan, I'm beginning to doubt the wisdom of waiting. The last few months have gone well, and I am building momentum - but I don't want to waste that either.

I love writing, and I'd write even if no one was around to read it. But publishing? I'm doing that for readers who enjoy my writing - that part is for you just as much as it is for me, so I think it's only fair to share some ownership of this big plan with you! Should I stick to the plan and finish all thirteen books before moving forward - or should I set publication dates and give you a schedule as the books are finished?

(This poll ended Saturday, April 13, 2024. The above image reflects the results.)

When I Was Just A Girl, I Thought I Had It Figured Out...

"See, my life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow...but things don't always come that easy..."

You might have noticed that I've been using song lyrics to title and inspire my blog posts for a little while now, and I usually just post a little credit at the bottom, but you guys, I love this song.

I wanted a lyric that would express how totally thrilled I am to be able to say the second edition of FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM is complete - something celebratory and motivational. But really, this book and the journey through putting it together has been rough. During the writing of this second edition, we had the holiday busyness, the turn of the year, my youngest daughter's first year of high school, my oldest daughter's (probably) last year at home, several injuries and illnesses, and a divorce that nearly derailed some of the most valued and meaningful parts of my life. It took seven months to complete this book, and here's where we stand: the text file for this novel is 199 pages, and we did make it down to just over 110 thousand words (110,335, but who's counting?), which means the paperback will be a solid 336 pages.

It didn't come easy. I had to fight for it the whole way, had to prioritize it when I could, and learn to give myself grace when I couldn't. But now, all that's left is for me to finish designing the paperback cover (hopefully tomorrow), and then finally we're on to the second slice of my absolutely huge and sometimes terrifying comeback-to-publishing-plan.

I know some of you are wondering what this means for when this new version of FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM will be released, and next week I hope answer some of those questions in a post that will explain more about what's coming next and how my plan is being adapted for timing. New graphics will also be up soon to reflect the progress and the next step in this journey, so don't forget to check back.

But first, today's Easter (Happy Easter, to those who celebrate, and a lovely Sunday to those who don't!) and I'm nursing a migraine, so I'm gonna make some dinner with my little one and we're gonna settle in for a living-room picnic and a (hopefully quiet) movie.

*song lyric from "Free to Be Me," Francesca Battistelli

You Know a Dream is Like a River...

...ever changing as it flows. And the dreamer's just a vessel that must follow where it goes, trying to learn from what's behind you, and never knowing what's in store...

Dreams are funny, aren't they? Always changing, adapting, adjusting. Mine has been the same since fifth grade - I dreamed of one day holding a book in my hands, looking down at my name on the cover. I dreamed that I would grow up to be a storyteller.

The dream has changed though, flowing with and following the course of my life. I wrote less when my children were suffering chronic health problems and needed to be the forefront of my focus. I wrote less when their dad and I split up, and I needed my focus and energy to be on healing myself, guiding my kids, and creating a home they could feel safe and loved in. But even during that quiet time in my life, words never stopped flowing through my mind; I took notes on my phone, wrote little scenes that came to mind during the course of my day, mapped out novels still unwritten.

Now that there's room again and my life is opening up to allow for my own dreams to flow a little more freely, I am happier than I have been in years, writing away whenever I can fit in the time between appointments and other obligations. This is the beginning of how my dream became "the plan."

Here's where we stand: FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM is thisclose to finished. I read through it this past week with a friend (who cried, laughed, and loved all the characters just as much as I knew she would) but still managed to find a few remaining errors despite having edited this work umpty-bazillion times. I'm going through and fixing those hopefully by the end of tomorrow...at which point, I will update all of my graphics to reflect the plan progressing to part two of the largest, most intimidating project I've ever attempted.

Which means I'd better get to it. In the meantime, what dream is flowing through the landscape of your life? Tell me about it in the comments!

*song lyric from "The River," Garth Brooks